Getting Old

Devin has announced his engagement - I'm feeling old. I am pretty sure I've started 'the change' - I'm feeling old. I have to color my hair every quarter - I'm feeling old. Life is pretty sucky right now.

I also owe more money than I even realized. I had thought I could pay off the Disney Card in 12 months but I don't think I can swing that unless I get a second job. So where does a 46-year old go for a second part time job? No idea. But I think this spring I'm going to need to find out. I can't carry this debt - Shawn would stroke out if he knew how much I owe. I almost stroked out when I found out. I've no idea why I keep spending - no idea. But it stops. Now.

New Year 2011 is in 3 days. Is it going to be a good year or am I going to have a health issue? Will I get my weight, blood pressure, cholesterol and finances under control? Will I have friends this year or still be pretty much alone? I am not so sure I want to find out.

Christmas Eve's Eve

Two nights before Christmas and again waiting for snow - yuck. I guess I should be grateful that the accumulation isn't suppose to even compare to last year's record-breaker but still; I am all for a green Christmas any year!

Uncle Pard passed away last week. At 93, it wasn't unexpected but still very sad. An end to that generation of Hunts. We have one more Sexton from then, Uncle Jim. That's it. That generation is very nearly gone. It makes me want to research and record the family history all that much more. After an appropriate time, I will contact Tony to see what kind of additional information he can share about the family tree. I really want to include something in my Family Scrapbook.

Speaking of family, I guess Dan is expecting his next assignment to be Fort Leavenworth! It will be cool having him and his family here for a year and I can spoil the girls without fear of running out of currency (like I had in Greece). I suppose they will be moving here next August (if all goes according to plan and he really does get assigned here - there's a slight possibility he won't).

2011 is just around the corner. I was telling Shawn that I think it's going to be an expensive year. With the cruise/WDW vacation and the window replacement and possibly start on the basement next winter - well, can you say 'second job'? Especially since I'm sure I won't be seeing any substantial raise in the future. ACI is getting greedy (or maybe it's Stowers Institute that's sucking all the profits out). Well, I just might look for a second job next spring.

If I don't log in tomorrow, Merry Christmas!

The Loss of A Generation

We lost Uncle Pard early this morning. He never recovered even remotely from his fall Thanksgiving week-end. I believe he was 93 and the last of that generation of Hunts. My generation is next.

The burial is in Leavenworth on Friday, just a graveside service is planned. Mary Lou will stay with Aunt Bobbie for the night but Tony is heading home after the burial as he has Christmas plans with his current girlfriend. Typical stoic Hunt male - bury the dead and move on. A contingent of our side will attend - along with me will be Susanna, Tom, George maybe Charlie. We will represent Dad.

Disney Cruise!

I'm going on a Disney Cruise next October! I finally made it down to the travel agent and booked the three day cruise to the Bahamas and a five-night stay at Caribbean Beach resort at WDW. Now all I have to do is find $2,000 between now and August to pay for it! That on top of the $2,350 I need for my half of the windows. I am going to need to find a part time job this spring. As it is, I'm working as much overtime as I can. I have 8 hours in so far this week and it's only Wednesday. However, OT isn't going to last very long - maybe a few more weeks. Long enough to pay down my credit card a little but that's it. I'm beginning to get strapped for cash.

Uncle Pard is in failing health after a fall Thanksgiving week-end. Tony didn't think he would make it through last night but he did and was more aware today than he's been in awhile. I didn't have the heart to tell Tony often times someone will get one last surge of 'life' before dying. I hope Pard can hold out through the holidays, for the sake of his kids and grand kids. I would imagine losing someone over the holidays takes the specialness of the occasion away forever.

Sad Week

This has been a sad week. It started off with my having to write a letter to the father of a 22 year-old soldier who was killed in Afghanistan last month. Then Tony wrote that Uncle Pard had fallen over the week-end and is now in ICU. At 92, Tony doubts his father will ever get out of the hospital, and if he does, he will have to go to an assisted living situation. He'll never go home again.

Then we got word that the 25 year-old daughter of one of our (very nice) directors died of a brain tumor. Then Felicia called me this afternoon distraught over her kitten, Spazz, who died last night. She said he had started to limp a few days ago - ring any bells? Just like Cujo. Apparently the poor thing died of kidney failure. Felicia is totally heartbroken. I understand. We went looking for some marker for the burial site but couldn't find any. We ended up ordering something online.

Then I got a note in the mail from Aunt Bobbie with a certificate stating she had purchased a memorial brick in my mother's name for placement around the Leavenworth Carousal. When I got that, I just sat down and cried for a bit. Too many losses this week - too many losses.

Thanksgiving 2010

Gobble, gobble - Happy Thanksgiving!

It was a quiet one with just me and Shawn. That's OK, though, it still worked. Had turkey and stuffing, a bean and corn casserole, Greek salad (in honor of my trip to Greece this year) and dinner rolls. And pecan pie! It was a nice meal, lots of leftovers for future meals and clean up was fairly easy. Now, on to Christmas!

I have Felicia's ornament to order online tomorrow (during their Black Friday sale) and then two items for Shawn - not quite ready to get those in case he gets them for himself, first! Two more weeks and I should be safe. Fingers crossed!!

And I have overtime this week. Got two hours in yesterday and am hoping for two hours tomorrow and maybe three on Saturday. But I also have Felicia coming over tomorrow (that shouldn't be too much of a problem) and Tom and his family coming over (and Susanna's girls) Saturday. That might pose more of a problem with getting OT in. We shall see - I really need to work it because I have Christmas gifts to pay for!

Nothin' Much

I don't have a bunch to report but thought I should check in anyway.

I've been straightening my hair lately - it's just a different kind of mess now! Still dry-flyaway; I think a water softening system would help that. It's on our list of things to get.

I'm taking the girls out tomorrow and it's going to be expensive. We're going to Toys-R-Us so Emily and Krissy can pick out birthday gifts (and I can get some ideas for Christmas gifts). Then we'll go to an indoor amusement area so they can enjoy rides and climb around the inside playground. And I need to visit the Christmas store (if it's still there!) for the Next Generationers' ornaments. And we'll probably eat some place. Maybe McDonalds as we haven't eaten there in awhile and the two girls are anxious to make a trip there! Yeah, it's going to be an expensive afternoon!

I STILL haven't booked the cruise - I don't know what I'm waiting for. I know Shawn isn't going to do it with me so I might as well make the call. Maybe tomorrow morning.

Well, that's it. Told you I didn't have much to report!

Gearing Up For The Holidays

Officially November and time to start really shopping for Christmas. I actually have all the Weissenbachs done (except Gayle) and Charlie - still need to finish George, get the Next Generationers ornaments and shop for Shawn and the girls. And get Dan's and John's packages in the mail. I think I can - I think I can! I might get the ornaments tomorrow. And I'm hoping against hope Shawn doesn't buy the I-Phone before I can get it for him for Christmas. I'm keeping mine low so as not to tempt him!

I HAVE to book our Disney cruise soon. The new ship is out and is attracting a lot of attention. I don't want it to be booked when I try to make reservations - I've been planning this trip for 4 years. I guess I will just have to do it without Shawn - every time I ask him, he says we'll get it done on his next day off, but when that comes around, he's nowhere to be seen. I HAVE to take this cruise! Maybe I'll add that to my list of things to do tomorrow.

Vacationed Out

Three short trips in two weeks - I'm tired and ready to stay home for awhile!

It was all fun - Vegas, Basswoods RV and Omaha. The best part was our day trip to the Hoover Dam and the lunch cruise around Lake Mead. I never realized how pretty parts of Nevada can be. I would recommend that visit to anyone. And we went the first day they opened the new bridge that spans the canyon over the dam (created to streamline traffic and ease the congestion through the dam).

Tomorrow I take the girls to the KC Zoo for Boo-at-the-Zoo. And then Sunday is Halloween and I'm taking them trick-or-treating. I've no idea what I will do when Krissy gets too old to go door-to-door; I've been doing it almost every year (missed two) since Felicia was 1 (15 years ago!)

Then it's on to Thanksgiving. I didn't do a Thanksgiving dinner the last two years and I think I'm ready to do it again. Wonder who might be interested in coming. Charlie will say he will but then won't. George might be going to Breezy's parents' house (though I doubt it)... guess I'll just put the invite out there and see who bites!

I'm Smart!

Finally got myself an I-phone - now I'm smart! The phone is pretty easy to use - I've already got my Facebook app up and running. And I figured out how to take and send pictures (so I'm sure video won't be too hard, either.) The only thing is that I seem to have lost all the pictures I had on the Razor phone and I would like those. So, I'll have to visit the AT&T store to see what they can do for me. But I'm liking this new phone! $100 and I added a texting plan for $5 - the rest of the plan is in tact so the monthly bill shouldn't be too much higher. I'm betting Shawn gets one soon (maybe for Christmas?!?!)

Tomorrow we are off to Vegas and I think I'm finally getting excited about it. I've just been too busy to think about the trip much. I have a few things still to do today but otherwise, it's laundry and pack! Sadly, I didn't make it to my Vegas weight and, in fact, need to try to drop three or four pounds between now and when we land tomorrow afternoon (good luck with that!). Too much eating lately - and not necessarily good-for-me food. It's so easy to slip back into the bad eating habits; wish it was that easy to accept the new eating habits but those never seem to get easier!

Dino Land

Emily wanted to visit the dinosaurs for her birthday treat so today I took her and her sisters to Union Station to see the very cool dinosaur exhibit. We then hit Science City and on the way home, T-Rex for more dinosaur fun. I mentioned to the waitress while we were ordering desert that it was Emily's birthday so they brought out the desert (a smoking Chocolate Extinction) and sang her happy birthday. She was so embarrassed! I loved it. An expensive day out but so worth building those memories for them.

It dawned on me while I was watching Emmi and Krissy play around the water fountain at The Legends that Susanna would probably love to be able to give her kids what I do. I think even if they did have more money she wouldn't because Gregg would break her down and stop her from trying. Maybe she'll be able to indulge her grandchildren. Maybe.

Tomorrow all the Weissenbachs, Susanna's girls and Tom and his family are coming over to watch the Chiefs game. What was suppose to be a simple get-together-and-do-something with Scott turned into a major ordeal. Lots of money, lots of time has gone in to this. Those Weissenbachs always want to get together at someone else's house. I've been to Scott's house twice (in the 12 years they've been married) and Todd's house maybe 3 times (in the 15 years they've been in their house). They've all been over here at least 6 times, probably more. I don't get it.

I have a big busy day tomorrow so I am hitting the hay. 'Night!

Hit October

Wow, month 10 of 2010 - time is speeding up!

Not a lot to report - Felicia helped me put up my Halloween lights today, much to the dismay of Shawn. I don't know what's happened to him in recent years but he is turning anti-everything. I wonder if it's because I fuss so much about not really wanting to do it but feel obligated (not true, but I DO say that). Maybe he's just turning in to one of those 'old men' that ruin things for everyone (about 98% of all men turn in to those).

Bought myself a pair of sexy 4-inch heel shoes, zebra-print. They hurt my knee and my feet and I'm not sure how far I can walk in them but.... I love them. They are going to Vegas with me, even if it's just to wear for a dinner at the resort. I will have to wear them around the house to break them in somewhat. Better get the foot bath ready!

Been checking out the Disney cruises and have decided we need to book sooner rather than later. I am very excited about our 10th anniversary vacation next year!

Week-End At Great Wolf Lodge

The week-end at Great Wolf Lodge was, for the most part, great. Emily discovered the joys of waterslides and spent as much time as I could accommodate climbing up then sliding down. Krissy discovered how to be a kid of five - it took about 10 minutes at the waterpark to get a smile on her face but once there, it stayed all week-end (pretty much). Felicia passed on the waterpark (I think she was self conscious about her body in a swimsuit) but entertained herself with MagiQuest and the arcade (she was, as always, the most expensive to keep happy).

The exception to the fun was Shawn. He came in Saturday night with a bottle of booze and quickly slammed three drinks before we took Emmi to the waterpark. As the night progressed, so did his drinking until he was stumbling around in his underwear swearing and making derogatory remarks. Fortunately Krissy was asleep by then and Felicia was at the arcade, but poor Emily was scared. It was storming outside and that had her nervous but she was more scared of Shawn, opting to hide out in the 'cabin' until he passed out. I am beyond livid at his behavior and I let him know it today (he conveniently has no memory of what he did and said). I pointed out that it would never have happened if the kids had been Weissenbachs. But because they were not just Hunts but Susanna's kids, he felt it was OK to be crude and crass around them. He will not be invited to join our outings again. I have to protect them from that kind of behavior.

And like always, he seems to think all he has to do is say 'I'm sorry. I love you' and all will be right.

Just in time for our vacation weeks. Like usual.

Life Is Good

Connecting with Shawn is so worth all the time spent away from him. My favorite thing in the world to do is to just sit and talk with him. If we're sharing a bottle of wine or a platter of chicken wings - all the better.

I'm missing my Cujo Baby Cujo Kitten today. I can't believe she's been gone from me for 5 months. I miss her so much.

We've decided Curly Monkey is a boy after all. I guess the vet was just tired or something when I took him in. Granted he's not as endowed as his brother, but there is definitely something between his legs. Poor thing - he has to have a complex by now! I love him regardless of gender - or in the absence of one if that be the case.

Have all the Weissenbach kids' Christmas gifts ordered! I need to figure something out for Shawn - last year wasn't very successful with him. He's a hard one.

Laboring on Labor Day

I went from a three-day week-end to working all week-end! How did that happen?!?! Guess I wanted the boss to think of me as a team player so when the call went out to work (with a floating holiday), I answered. Good for me - and dumb for me! I could have used the time off. (But I sure knocked out a lot of letters!)

Shawn and I went to Holy-Field Winery yesterday for the first time. It was full of folks who had helped 'bring in the harvest'; we were the only ones actually drinking wine! And what wine it was! As normal we split a bottle but this was some potent stuff. We got more than tipsy off it. However, when we went in to buy some bottles to take home, they inadvertently gave us twice the order and we were snookered enough to not notice till we got home. So we hit our own 'buy-one-get-one-free' sale on some very good wine!

We have a busy October lining up - a four-day trip to Vegas, a week-end at Basswood RV (in our own cabin this time) and a two-day trip to the Omaha Zoo. Nothing huge or fancy but enough fun things to make it feel like a real vacation for Shawn. Now we just have to figure out how to pay for it all!

Vegas, Baby!

We've booked our trip for Las Vegas! Mid-week, three nights in a spa room at the Luxor. The hot tub is in the room right in front of the window - the windows are tinted and way up so no one can see in but it's kind of kinky to think I can stand in all my naked glory in front of a window and not be worried someone might call the cops for indecent exposure (or cruel and unusual punishment!) The Titanic Exhibit will be at the Luxor and, although we've seen it in KC, we'll probably go see it again. AND Shawn wants to take a tour of Hoover Dam - haven't done that so it will be cool. Now if I can just get another 10 pounds or so off. Should be able to; it's back to the Slim4Life diet!

I still need to book our short jaunt to the Omaha Zoo. Leave when I get finished working on Tuesday, drive back Thursday. I think we'll book at the Argosy (not in Omaha proper but in the Omaha area). I will get a room with a hot tub - that will keep the theme going. Gambling and hot tubs!

This has been my first week back at work and I'm slowly having to relearn everything. I couldn't remember how to send a fax via email - pretty sad. Guess I'm OK with being back - I was getting bored sitting around watching TV. But if we were to win the lottery, I wouldn't object to giving my job to someone else and just spending my time planning and executing trips! Really, God, I would be willing to do that!

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to me! To celebrate, I treated myself to a slice of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake after my appointment with the surgeon. I thought I would be able to sit down and eat the slice - nope, only got about halfway through before I had to put it away. Man, that's good stuff!

The surgeon isn't any happier about my lack of extension than I am and has prescribed an additional 4 weeks of PT. That's OK, but it's going to make for some long work days for September as I'll be forced to take an hour lunch three days a week to accommodate the therapy. Monday will be extra hard as I already have to put in 10 hours. I'll be working from sun up to sun down. Oh well, what else do I have to do?

Sleep - that's what. I have been napping almost every day for at least 90 minutes a day. What is up with that? I have tried to break the pattern but just can't seem to do it. Then when I wake up I'm all groggy, which I hate. I have to stop the napping - I just have to.

School Supplies

So I took Emily and Krissy to K-Mart for school supplies, shoes and a few outfits. The items on the supplies list were a bit insane - why does EVERY kindergartner need to take in FOUR boxes of 16-count Crayola crayons?!?! A bit excessive. Emily got two outfits and Krissy got three and all told, it cost about $230! Throw in a pair of boots for Felicia and some kitty litter and M&Ms for me and I ran up a $285 bill - at K-Mart! There is no way Susanna could have gotten the stuff on the supplies list (much less clothes for the girls). What would she have done?

I also booked our week-end at Great Wolf Lodge for September. It's not going to be much of a vacation, but this summer has been odd, what with the surgery and recovery. I got a room that has a cabin inside for the girls (their own bunk beds, TV, Nintendo game) and an electric fireplace for me. So I could have gone cheaper but decided we only go maybe once every three years so I might as well make it a fun week-end.

Shawn and I are suppose to be heading to Weston and Pirtle's Vineyard this afternoon. We haven't been in months. Although I have to be careful because I'm still on pain killers, I think I can have one glass of wine and be OK; especially since my last dose of pills was 7:00 last night and I don't plan on taking more until this evening. The nurses told me at the hospital that an occasional glass of wine would not harm me. Looking forward to spending an afternoon with Shawn!

Home PT

I'm nearing the end of my home physical therapy. Beginning next week, I have to go to them (and 'them' isn't Kale - too bad.) I have three weeks left of Family Leave time and then it's back to work. I am shocked at how NOT ready I am to get back to the grind. I thought I would have been bored out of my mind and ready to reenter the world - but I'm not. I really have worked too long.

Apparently Susanna has lost both Internet and phone. I tried calling her cell and it had been turned off. So now the only way to contact her is to call her at Homers, which I did to see if the girls could go swimming on Wednesday - they can. It's a bit scary that there's no way to contact them other than via Homers or just going to their house (and they never answer the door so even that wouldn't work.)

I am going to volunteer to pay for Emily's and Kristen's school supplies and get them each a few outfits. The fees aren't too horrible, and they have till February to pay them (and they get their Uncle Sam check in January). Those poor girls - I bet they haven't been out of that house since I dropped them off a month ago. I pray for them.

Surgery

I did it - I had knee replacement surgery. I had it done just over two weeks ago and still can't believe I did it. It went smoothly with no complications and now all I have to do is recover and get this knee working again. Straightening it is incredibly painful and that process seems to be going nowhere. I am hanging around 11-14 degrees from straight. Getting it to bend is just as challenging but also has been more successful. I'm at a 95 degree bend right now. You need 110 degrees to climb steps properly so I'm getting there. But if I can't get it to straighten any more, the surgery might have been almost pointless. People will still notice a limp and that's what I wanted to get rid of. Kale, the PT guy, tells me I'm doing well for the amount of time since surgery so I'll just hold on to that.

I have the summer off because of the surgery. I get 7 weeks of vacation - I haven't had that kind of time since I was in school and not working over the summer (about 25 years ago!). I have done a lot of sleeping and a lot of television watching. Just like I did 25 years ago!

It's Scheduled

Terrified - that's what I am. I've scheduled my knee replacement surgery and it ain't gonna be pretty. Four days in the hospital, no RA drugs, compression hose and shots in my tummy for 10 days (which Shawn is going to have to do). And that's not even touching the whole recovery/physical therapy ordeal! I guess the good thing is that by this time next month, the surgery will be over and the tummy shots halfway through. I don't know if I can actually do this. Hell, this is elective surgery - I don't HAVE to get it done! I might end up in a wheelchair if I don't, but I don't HAVE to do the surgery, right?

I just have to focus on the benefits. By September I can maybe be in heels again. And feel comfortable in dresses and skirts (even with the scar?). I can possibly ride a bike again or go rock wall climbing. Or walk around the block without someone asking me if I need a lift.

I can do this. I can.

Greece!

Wow, was the Greece trip great! Dan and Kelly were the best hosts, driving us all around not just Athens but a few ancient sites and out to the island of Paros as well. We went nonstop from the minute we hit the shores. I ate like I shouldn't have and STILL lost 3.5 pounds - that's how much walking we did!

We wandered through the Athens shopping center (a few times!), hiked up to the acropolis, roadtripped to Delphi and Nafplio and basked in the sun of the island (while walking around shopping!) After all that, Kelly was still upset that we didn't get everything in that she had wanted to! I told her one more site might have just killed me!

Traveling with Gayle was very easy - and she had a wonderful time, too. She attached to the girls almost instantly and left calling them her adopted grandchildren. I knew the girls would make the trip for her - she loves kids that much. Next time Dan and Clan visit, I am going to have to include Gayle in any plans!

I hope I can get one of the brothers out there to visit - although I'm sure Dan was glad to see me, I know he has so much more in common with his bros. John might make the trip. Charlie possibly if he would get his passport.

I recommend Greece to anyone - more the island than the mainland of Athens. As the ancient Greeks would say, "Oompah!"

Greece Bound

This time next week I will be packing for Greece, we leave next Friday. It's kind of hard to believe I'm actually going to get there! Maybe not with Shawn as was the original plan, but it doesn't matter - I'm going! I have so much to do between now and then I can't even think about it!

One thing I 'get' to do is visit the knee surgeon next Monday for a consult on my knee. I had sweaty palms and a racing heart just making the appointment to see him! I'm not sure I'm going to make it to surgery! I just keep focusing on all the things I'll be able to do in 6 months that I can't do now. Focus!

I have started a new diet, Slim4Life. Very expensive, very time consuming and very restricted. And I'm not sure it's working very well! They guarantee three pounds a week if I follow their guidelines but I don't think I'm going to get that this week. I have to drive 30-minutes (one way) tomorrow to check in and we'll see what they find on the scale. I actually lost almost 9 pounds last week (my first week) but 5 of that was the easy-drop easy-add weight I always play with. If I can get to 160 by the time of the trip, that would be amazing. I just weighed and the scale said 166 - this morning it was 163; I don't know which one to believe! In any case, this is a very hard, not fun diet and I doubt I would recommend it (due to the amazing cost they don't warn you about). I hate having to wage this war.

Time to Get Serious

It's time to get serious about losing weight. Friday I went to Slim-4-Life and signed up for a year program. Cost a fortune but it has to be cheaper than the drugs I'll be taking forever if I don't get a handle on the weight. They guarantee that I will lose 3 pounds a week if I follow the program - that will be 16 weeks. Kind of intimidating but at the same time, knowing in 16 weeks I will be back to fighting weight is exciting. I have to drive to Shawnee Mission Parkway THREE times a week, at least until I get the weight off and then I assume I can cut back to maybe twice a week during 'reintroduction to eating regular' and the maintain portion. I figure I can do this for a year then go back to Weight Watchers (pretty much for free) to maintain long term.

This plan has me taking a bunch of supplements. There is a fish oil supplement I told them I can't take because it reacts to one of my meds. I hope the other supplements don't have reactions. The biggie one is full of various herbs and Chinese stuff so I might need to do a little research on that one. It's all natural, but full of oriental stuff! But I feel good that I'm finally doing something serious about this weight. I have a long way to go with 16 weeks and 45 pounds but I'm at least on the road.

Ashes to Ashes

I picked up Cujo's ashes this afternoon. I also bought a container that kind of looks like an urn - it doesn't have a good seal but I figure I can glue it closed after the ashes are put inside. I don't know when I'll be able to do that. It was all I could do to keep from crying when I picked up the ashes. I got to the car and bawled.

♥♥♥ I miss her so much. ♥♥♥

Adjusting to My New Normal

I'm working on adjusting to my 'new normal' without my Cujo. The boys go outside as soon as I let them and the house is quiet and still. Just me. I hate it.

Shawn's passport has been returned to the passport people and they are suppose to be sending it to our post office for pick up. It should be here next week. BUT, Shawn is thinking he won't be able to get that last week in May off because they keep firing sales reps. I think I'll drop in at the travel agent tomorrow to see what kind of options we will have for our Greece trip but I won't plan anything. Shawn really doesn't want to go and is desperate for excuses to not be able to make it. Although I'm excited about the passport showing up, I'm still pretty pessimistic we'll make the trip. It would be an incredible trip, though!

Broken Hearted

I lost Cujo Kitten Hunt-Weissenbach on Easter Sunday. She had been sick for a few weeks and I kept taking her in. First we thought she had injured her hip - a week later she started throwing up and we thought it was a kidney stone. She got worse and worse, not eating for a week and only taking in water when I got it to her through a syringe, though you could tell she was hungry and thirsty. The vet was keeping her over the week-end to hydrate her and run some bloodwork. She called Sunday night to say we had lost her. They are doing an autopsy because the vet has absolutely no idea what the problem was. The thought of an autopsy is upsetting but I have the three boys and if there is something in the environment, I need to know so I can protect them. I took two days off work and cried and cried. I still cry at the drop of a hat (crying now) and I will always cry for her and for her sister Princess Leia.

I lost my Cujo Baby Cujo - and she wasn't quite 7.

Week-End Plans Blown to Pot

For weeks I had been planning a night getaway with Shawn to Chateau Avalon, even re-booking when snow hit. We stayed in the Castaway Isle room which was like sleeping in a tree house with a bubbling pond down below - very cool. Treated him to dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise (in keeping with the theme) and covered the cost of the room. He paid for nothing, we reconnected (in a much needed way!) and headed home Sunday morning happy. We then went to Jayden's birthday party - I even drove a ridiculous truck out there so he could nap on the way. And I had no issues with him heading out to poker that evening.

Then he blew it. He came home drunk.... again. And he decided it would be fun to throw Mo Sockie on top of a very sick Cujo Kitten. Cujo ended up throwing up and has been throwing up ever since. And when I yelled at him to leave her alone, she was sick, his drunken response was, 'good, maybe she'll die.' All the planning, the romance, the cost of the week-end gone in one fell swoop.

I've come to a decision I will share with him some time this week. If his drinking is as bad in ten years, I am leaving the marriage. He has ten years to get some help - I have ten years to get prepared to be on my own. I lived with alcoholics during my childhood, I live with an alcoholic during my working years - by God if I will live with an alcoholic during my end years. I'll have enough issues and won't need to have to continue to deal with this one. Ten years and I will divorce him. I deserve at least a part of my life alcoholic-free.

Another Sick One

Just when I get one cat well again, another one gets hit with something. I nursed Cujo through an eye infection, then nursed Mo through a tummy ache and now I have one hurt Cujo. She is limping so badly on her hind right leg that I finally took her in to the vet after watching her limp around for three days. The doctor couldn't find anything broken (thank goodness) but agreed Cujo was in pain. Usually cats will hide their pain as a defensive mechanism and Cujo hurt so much she couldn't hide it. She cried and growled and hissed as the doctor moved her injured leg around. It was determined it is her hip but x-rays show no break. Somehow she just managed to sprain it real severely. She got a shot for the pain and I have pain drops to sneak to her if she needs them and she is to take it easy for a few days. Which means the boys have to stop chasing her (I wonder if Mo's chasing is what hurt her to start with.) My poor baby girl.

I have Susanna's girls and Tom and family coming over Saturday for an Egg Hunt/Basket Search. I have the baskets and eggs ready to go but still need to come up with clues for the Search. Five clues for each kid, five kids... that's a lot of clues. Guess I'll be doing that tomorrow. I also have to clean house - it smells to high heaven of cat spray (thanks, Mo!) Fifi is coming over Friday to help me shampoo the carpets.

It never ends.

March Madness

This is turning into a crazy month. The kittens turn One on Thursday- I can remember the day they were born and how unhappy Tiger Lily was but how incredible her instincts to care for them were. I miss my Tiger Lily and hope she's ruling her new roost.

I think I might have seen Mysterious Charmin. A cat resembling what he would look like has been hanging around but runs when it sees me. So I can't be sure. Today the cat walked right under the front windows not knowing I was on the other side and I got a good look at it. Although the head shape is different than I would expect, there was a patch of under fur right about where Myster had his. I know that doesn't mean too much, but... What do I do if I determine it IS Mysterious? Five cats is too many so which one would I sacrifice??

I had a pap smear re-do. The doctor said not to worry too much about it but I can't help worrying. The last test found endrometri cells when it shouldn't have, which means I don't know what! I have about three weeks to wait for the results. Three long weeks. And the doctor commented that my cervix is practically closed up - which could explain why my periods are so far in between. He said the flow could just not be able to get out - no idea what happens to it.

I've not been feeling well and sleeping a lot. Climbing stairs winds me, walking a block winds me. I'm scared I'm heading toward a heart attack in the next year. I have to stop this. I have to, and I don't know why I'm not. I don't have a death wish - really I don't.

And I have to put in three hours of OT between tomorrow and Saturday. I'll probably do all three on Saturday, making it the fourth or fifth week-end in a row I've worked.

And the cost of airline tickets to Greece have gone up. Can't catch a break.

Winter, Winter Go Away

I cannot even begin to tell you how ready I am for winter to be over. I am dreaming of taking Shawn on a midweek getaway to Vegas but he won't go until it's 80* and that is getting too close to Greece to do both. I just hate this winter - it is dragging slower than ever before.

Did I mention we have both completed and filed our paperwork for passports? Shawn filed a week after me, using his mother's old passport, to which he was added as a baby, rather than a birth certificate. Fingers crossed we get them in time to book a flight and make arrangements for Greece. I kind of get this feeling the trip is slipping through my fingers, though. Wouldn't it be great if we made it? Imagine wandering the ruins of Greek temples and sitting shore side to the Mediterranean. Wow.

I took Shawn to Granite City for Valentine's Day. We had a real nice time and I got all dressed up for it. Now he wants to go back tomorrow for their lunch special. That's fine by me but it's what he always does - return to places he enjoyed rather than try some place new. Or at least some place we haven't been in awhile. Oh, well.

Almost Can't Stand Him

What am I going to do? When I'm honest with myself, I almost can't stand being around Shawn. I feel the same way around him as I did around my father - not much more important than a housekeeper. When I hear that garage door open in the evenings, I shudder and think that my quiet day has come to an end - now I live life the way Shawn wants me to live it, be it handing over the TV controls, making him a meal, washing his underwear. I usually leave the room within 20 minutes of his arriving. And when I DO stay put and finish my show, HE leaves the room. I don't think he wants to be around me, either.

I came to an epiphany the other day about those Sunday morning walks we used to take (and he's threatening me with again). I hate mornings, always have. And Sunday morning is only one of two days a week I can sleep in so to give that up is painful. I would much rather walk Saturday evening, when it's cooler, I've the energy and I WANT to walk. But I'm expected to make the sacrifice for 'us'; he wouldn't walk with me on Saturday. Why? Why are his needs and desires more important than mine? Why do I always feel like I'm the one making the sacrifice? So if he does decide he's going to force me to walk again when the Spring comes, it will be with the concession that one week we walk Sunday morning, the next week we walk Saturday night. A true compromise.

And he can't find and isn't looking for his birth certificate so he won't get his passport in time for Greece and might have to miss out on a Disney cruise next year. Neither of which he really wants to do. How convenient for him.

I seriously almost cannot stand him.

Time To Diet

Beginning Monday, I hit a serious diet. I know, I know - been there, said that. But this time I think I'm finally ready and Shawn is dieting, too. That means no tempting meals out - a big help. And I'm cleaning my house of junk food. I have three brownies left and a few handfuls of M&Ms. And Girl Scout cookies I'm pretty sure I can ignore (they're in the basement - out of sight out of mind). I plan on filling a bowl every morning with what I can eat, minus dinner. A pear/apple, a banana, an orange, string cheese, oatmeal pack and a small cup for V-8. By setting that out every morning, there will be no reason to open the fridge or a cupboard. And then salads or fish/chicken for dinner. For the month of February - it's a short month, I can do it! I have to do it.

Add to that an exercise regimen of sorts. A round of DDS, a round of jogging and a round of biking on the Wii with 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill. Moving but not bored (I hope). Again, for the month of February - it's a short month, I can do it!

What's Up With Mo Sockie?

I am worried about my Mo-mo Sockie. He twitches continuously, walks around crying/swearing, is starting to spray areas and seems quite miserable. I took him to the vet just over a week ago and he gave Mo a clean bill of health (and three shots!) and suggested maybe his issue is hormonal - that he's hitting puberty and once the extra boost of hormones calms down, so will he. I guess it makes sense, after all, his Tiger Lily Mama was pregnant at 10 months, but I kind of have my doubts. I've had enough male cats in my life and I've never seen this kind of behavior. He does seem happiest when he's outside and, fortunately, the weather has been nice enough these last few days that he can spend great amounts of time outside. I worry about the poor guy. And I've noticed Curly Monkey is starting to shiver/twitch, too.

I just ordered three Frontline applications for $50 (on sale!) and two items for Felicia's cat who has ear mites. That came to something like $20. Fortunately I spent enough that I get free shipping. Mo has to go back in two weeks for his second round of baby shots, Curly needs both rounds and they both need neutering. I'm looking at about $700 before it's all over. I must love them very much (I do!)

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

I don't know if we've gotten into double-digit temperatures all week! It's been killer-cold. We're suppose to be seeing more normal temperatures next week - sad when 32 sounds heavenly!

I took Felicia to see her movie Avatar last night. It was a pretty decent flick, although totally predictable. Guess people don't go to that one for the storyline. But I enjoyed the movie (and the Applebees) and I know Felicia was grateful to get out of the house. Poor kid, I do pray for her. Her parents sure gave her an incredibly raw deal.

It's another year so it's time to make some resolutions. I've decided I'm going to eat healthier, rather than try to lose weight. I figure if I eat healthier, I'll lose weight anyway so it will be a win-win. And of course I want to pay down debt but I also want to increase wealth so my focus will shift from paying every penny I can toward debt to giving debt a big chunk of change but not all of it. And, I'm really going to work on convincing myself I'm worth the effort-the effort to look and feel good, the effort to be fulfilled and the effort to be loved. I don't so much as put myself on the backburner for others than convince myself I'm not worth anyone's effort, my own effort included. That needs to change. And rather than resolve to find more couple time with Shawn, I'm going to resolve to find more fun time for me, whether that includes Shawn-time or not. Maybe it will include family time or volunteer time or something. So kind of the same-old-same-old resolutions but from different angles than in the past.