Should Old Aquaintance

The last day of 2013 - and it is quickly coming to an end. Spent the evening taking Piper to see Frozen; she sat and watched the entire movie. I was really surprised as I expected her to get up and start roaming halfway through it. She did an excellent job. Then we picked Shawn up at home and off we went to the China Buffet for dinner. George and Breezy have picked Piper up and Shawn is asleep on the sofa downstairs. I am wondering if 2014 is going to be as good as 2013 - it's been a very good year.

 

Merry Christmas

Another Christmas has come and is slowly slipping away into the night. The day started off rough - Shawn backed out of our Christmas Eve movie night. I guess I need to let that tradition die - every year it's pulling teeth to get him to agree to go; so not worth it. The only holiday tradition we had, too. Took me several hours today to move past the anger and rejection.

George had mentioned us visiting with him this afternoon. I sent a text a few days ago to lock down a time and he never responded - so we didn't go. I get tired of always being the one to follow-up. He didn't send a text wondering where we were, either. 

I DID have an enjoyable time at the Weissenbachs. They have become my family. Everyone came in this year, including Devin and Alicia (still engaged but no wedding set), Tara and Cody (still dating but no engagement), Abby, Wendy and Todd, Scott and Jenny with their kids and a bunch of hanger-ons. It was a really nice gathering, and we were the first to leave (we both work tomorrow - no one else did!!)

Next week the calendar starts over again - hopefully it will be a good year.

Count Down to Christmas

Not really a lot to report - finally have the house decorated for Christmas; took me an entire week! But it looks nice, smells fabulous and feels warm and inviting. 

My Correspondence job officially ends Wednesday. Thursday I report to the office for processing training. I am trying really hard to keep a positive attitude but it's hard. Getting dropped down two pay grades, effectively being told what I've done for the last 13 years has been unappreciated and unnecessary - so easy that a computer can do it. I am planning on spending the winter months lining up my ducks so in the Spring I can venture forth to see what might be out there for me. I really liked writing letters, too. 

The weather has turned sour. Snow is on the ground, the temperature is frigid and the wind biting. The cats are restless to get out - until they get out; then they want back in! Bailey can go only so far before he gets ice and snow in his paws and stops walking - then I have to carry him home. I hate winter.

Some sad news - Snicker Doodle has gone to his new hopefully-forever home. The lady worked with Shawn for about three weeks (she's already quit) and was in need of a kitty. She seems to be the exact person I was praying God would send - but it still killed me to say good bye to Snicker. I hope he is happy with his new Mama. I'm pretty confident he is.

That's all I have to report - signing off.

Bye-Bye, Snicker Doodle

Snicker Doodle went to a new Momma today. A lady Shawn works with recently lost her 19 year old cat and agreed to take Snickers. She is exactly who I asked St. Francis to send but it still broke my heart to have to say good bye. I gave her my number and told her to call me if she decides she can't keep him - begged her not to just abandon him. And now Shawn is trying to convince a barkeep to take Checkers. He honestly doesn't care about how his actions hurt me to the core.

I have one more week of Correspondence work and then I head to processing training. I am trying so hard to keep a positive outlook on this - look at it like a new adventure. But I am so dreading the change. 

Going to the Weissenbachs' for Thanksgiving. I would rather stay home and veg in bed but.... Shawn gets what he wants. Wonder if they will have turkey this year.

I'm in a rotten mood.

Home Again - For Now

I can't believe it but Maui is over - what a great time was had....once we made it there! About two hours into the flight from Phoenix to Maui (putting us an hour over the ocean), the pilot came on to say we had to turn back and return to the mainland because the windshield had just cracked. Then he said we were going to drop to 10,000 feet 'just in case the window blew out', drop the flaps and landing gear to burn fuel and head to Phoenix rather than a California airport because we were too heavy to land. The LONGEST two hours of my life! I seriously thought I was going to die that day.

Then three days into the vacation, Shawn and I were sitting at the oasis part of the inn (a lovely location, by the way!) when we heard what sounded like a car crash on the highway right below us. Shawn went to investigate only to find it wasn't a car crash at all - it was a 10-passenger plane making an emergency landing! Amazingly, no one was hurt. When it came time to head home, I was nervous about getting on the plane - I'm glad I have several months before my next trip! 

Count Down!

Counting down to Maui! A week from now I will be settling in at the Weissenbachs for the night before our big trip - very excited! We are going zip lining, on a helicopter tour, on a dinner cruise, hopefully to watch the sunrise over the volcano (currently closed to visitors because of the government shut down) and hours and hours of lounging on the beaches of Hawaii. I'm going fat, but I'm going!

I am also going to see Wicked at the Music Hall before we leave. Very excited about it, even though Shawn is less than pleased. It's on a Tuesday and God forbid we do something on a Tuesday evening. I will need to make it a point to do the driving so he won't have as much to fuss about. I've been wanting to see this show since I first heard of it years ago. (If Shawn backs out he will ruin yet another Hawaiian trip for me, too.)

Expecting a few packages with Christmas gifts any day now. What is it about October that has me spending, spending, spending? I do it every year. Guess with Christmas around the corner, vacation and pet wellness visits, it puts me in a spending mood. I will have to pay the piper (and the credit cards) in November and December (and January and February!) Oh, well.

Three Weeks and Counting

Three weeks from today I will be on the island of Maui reconnecting with my soul. I can hardly wait. I so need a break between the insanity.

Did not get offered the job of Content Writer - and I was so glad I didn't as I had decided I was going to turn it down. I just don't want to give up my home office for a job that didn't thrill me. So, back to the plan of switching to processing in December, taking an online course in Project Management, finding volunteer opportunities (though LCHS never did contact me about volunteering) and maybe next summer check out other possible jobs. One thing I learned from my interview is that I don't know how to interview. So, I have added communications to my list of things to improve on. When I find the job of my dreams, I don't want to lose it because I tensed up during the interview process.

Still need to contact Tom to see if they will take Bailey.

Change of Mind

I'm not real sure how it happened, but I changed my mind about not applying for the Content Writer position. I thought I had everything figured out - switch to processing and continue to work from home, take an online course in Project Management, do some volunteer work to pad the resume and in the Spring start looking for a job. But Melissa kind of coerced me into deciding to throw my name in the hat. She said she would do it if I would do it and I think she really wanted to apply but was afraid to take the leap alone. So, I'm jumping with her. I ultimately asked myself the question 'if I was in the office would I apply' and I knew I would without hesitation. If the drive was the only thing holding me back, that probably wasn't a good enough reason. Besides, after the initial roll out, I would have the option to remote from home two days a week. With Shawn off Wednesday, that would mean Bailey would have only two days a week without someone to take him on a mid-day walk. He can survive that.

So Tuesday I go talk first with my manager and then with the manager the position falls under. Either way, my job is changing - whether I process from home or manage a program from the office. 

And I can still follow my plan to take the course, put in volunteer time and research jobs closer to home.

As so many people say, God's will be done.

30 Days Has September

Getting closer to my Hawaiian vacation! In six weeks I will be packing for Hawaii! Very excited. Have our dinner cruise booked and am looking in to ziplining and helicopter tours. I think those will be the only three 'official' activities for the trip - everything else will be winging it, going where the Hawaiian gods take us.

So they put out the posting for Content Writer - I thought long and hard about it and decided not to apply. Figured I would need a $10,000 raise to make it worth my effort ($5,000 for gas and wear-n-tear and $5,000 for compensation for the ten hours a week on the road.) Instead, I am going to move to processing (so I can still work from home) and take a Project Management course online over the winter months. I've also volunteered with the local Humane Society and hope to start working with them soon. I figure with the certificate and volunteer work, I can put together a more rounded resume and then next summer, check out the Cerner job openings. I'm not opposed to working in an office, I just would rather drive 15 minutes than 60. And Cerner is suppose to be hiring a ton of employees when their campus near Great Wolf Lodge opens. I really think my time with ACI is coming to a close.

Oh, and Breezy is apparently cheating on George (again) with a girl and trying to get some guy to make it a threesome. Some things never change!

Another Year Older

Happy birthday to me - I am now officially in my last year of my 40's. Very scary to think next year I will be entering the final decade that I will feel fairly confident of getting all the way through. 

I am also getting closer to my job changing from Correspondence, which I still enjoy, to processing which I suspect I will not enjoy. By years end I will be punching numbers into a computer with little influence on customers. There is a position opening up for managing the new correspondence tool and I'm debating whether to apply. I strongly suspect it will be an office job and I really don't think I want to return to the office. An extra 10 hours a week committed to the job (for drive time) and about $5,000 a year in gas and wear-and-tear. Is that worth it for a job I'm not even sure I will like any more than processing? 

I need to check the Cerner Web site for their job listings. Even if I have to work in their office, they are 15-20 minutes from my home - much more doable. And I bet they have pretty decent health care. 

Times they are a changing!

Edinburgh, Scotland

So I am back from my trip to Edinburgh, Scotland. It was a lovely trip - toured two castles, a palace and a cathedral, visited the zoo, David's Seat and Colin Hill, ate English and Indian foods and walked multiple blisters on my feet! After 10 days I was ready to head home - I missed Shawn and my furbabies! Now I have about two months before my next adventure to Maui!

How am I going to pay for all this traveling?!?!?

Raining Babies

Ana called Wednesday - the paternal grandmother is angry at Ana for not giving the baby daddy joint custody of Eva so she renigged on her offer to host a baby shower. Ana had already put out the word - she wanted to know if I would host it. Three days. We decided to move the venue from La Mesa (they charged $80 for the room - no food) to my house. I have been moving nonstop for three days. I really couldn't afford to throw this party (I REALLY couldn't afford to!) but felt I had no option. Tom and Kathey weren't going to step up and Ana was obviously overwhelmed at having to plan a party herself. And she shouldn't have to throw her own baby shower. So - - - it all turned out well (until the bills come in) and I got a lot of complements on the party and the house in general. But I've decided that will be the last party I throw for that family - Ana's Sweet 16, Andrea's Graduation and now Eva's Shower. That's enough.

All By Myself

Tom and his family have moved to Lenexa. They came by for Andrea's stuff so she is also officially and completely out. It's just me and Shawn (and the boys) again. I hate this feeling of being left behind - even when I needed them to go. Here I sit alone again, doing the exact same thing I've been doing for 10 years.

Guess the good news is we are expecting Dan and the girls in two weeks. Dan said his Pack Out date is Tuesday so they may actually show up earlier than that - I don't know where else they are going to go. But they will also leave (while I'm in Scotland so it won't be so hard on me.) And I know George will take Piper and move in the next five years, once he gets to a good place with the house and can sell it for a small profit.

I am not going anywhere.

Free At Last

Free at last, free at last! Thank God Almight I am free at last!

Andrea moved out today. She headed to Ames, IA with Aunt Shari - the only family member that would take her. I wished Shari luck - she only has her for five weeks (though Andrea is already making plans to get back to Lansing and move in with a friend with a spare room.)

Andrea was beyond pissed - she was hating me because she suspected that if it was up to Shawn, he would have let her stay till mid-August. She was hating me because I sent her, Tom and Kathey a text yesterday reminding her she had a ton of packing still to do and it needed to be done by evening's end because I couldn't have the chaos of it all while trying to work. So Tom and Kathey sent her home from Boy Scout Camp Family Appreciation Day early to pack, causing her to miss out on whatever she thinks she missed out on. She was hating me because it was my fault she was being forced to leave her job, friends and drug dealer. She didn't even say good-bye this morning; just left. Shawn called her this evening and told her that was in bad form.

I let Tom know today that she has left her stuff in the bedroom rather than the garage like I had asked. Tom was thinking she would have a few boxes - I told him she has several boxes, bags and plastic dressers. He was not happy to hear that and said he and Michael will be over Thursday morning to get the crap out of my house so I can deep clean the room.

Sadly, our adventures with Andrea has made both of us resistance to the idea of another niece/nephew staying with us. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Weaving Webs of Deceit

So, Andrea has a deadline of next Sunday to find new digs. She came home wtih two weeks worth of food this evening. Really? I was upstairs switching out the seasonal wardrobe when Shawn came up and told me she had approached him about staying till August, when student housing opened up. Told him she would approach him! She told Shawn that her Dad suggested she ask - I doubt Tom would have done that, not after the discussion we had a month ago. She's not staying - it's time for her to start dealing with the consequences of her actions. I am not going to let her guilt us into giving her exactly what she wants. She's going to be disappointed this time 'round. I suspect she will cuddle up to me tomorrow. Maybe I'll just go work in the office to avoid her!

Found a VERY interesting inquiry on my Facebook page - someone who may or may not be an old boyfriend. All the message said was 'did you use to live in Leavenworth Kansas'. I checked out his Facebook page which has a nice family photo but I couldn't tell you it was him. In fact, if it IS him, if he had come to my front door, I wouldn't have ever guessed who it was. I haven't responded. To be honest, the guy I remember was in such a bad place, I would be very surprised if he remembered my full name.

Post DC

Back from DC - had a wonderful time. Although we got rained out a few days, we managed to get to the American History Museum where we saw Dorothy's ruby slippers and Archie Bunker's chair; the National Zoo where we saw the giant pandas; and Gettysburg where we saw history. We tried to find the old house we lived in as very young kids, but the area is so built up that nothing looked familiar to me. I'm going to find the address and have Dan try to locate it again. I am disappointed I didn't get to see it.

Andrea is down to two weeks with us. I put packing boxes in her room yesterday. She packed one then went to her parents' and subsequently the hospital - yet again. She always puts herself in the hospital when she doesn't want to deal with something - it's become so predictable. She spent half of last week in the hospital, too. Complaining of pain in her stomach while posting 'someone bring me Chinese food' on Facebook. Really? She has no place to go from here and no money to get there. She asked George if she could move in with them for a month but I warned him against that. With her heavy drug use (she's on meth), if the cops have reason to search the house, Piper will instantly go to foster care and George will have a struggle to get her out. He has to put her first. So, Andrea has very few options right now. Maybe one of her Reilly aunts will take her in for the month, until the student housing opens. Tom said he would put down the deposit (but not pay the monthly rent.) She got ticked that he was willing to do that but not put down a deposit on an apartment, which is what she really wants. She is so in for a rough awakening when she finds she has to support herself.

But she ain't staying here - she is out July 1. If I have to pack her crap and put it on the curb, then I will.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

Just checked in for my morning flight to Washington DC. Excited about going but a bit nervous about flying alone - I've only ever done that once before. I will be fine, I know, but still it will be a different experience.

I have to get up at 4:00 to get to The Spot around 5:00 and to the terminal by 5:15. The flight leaves at 7:30. I know that's a lot of down time, especially for Kansas City, but with my bionic knee, I never know how long it's going to take to get the pat down. Better safe and have time to kill than sorry and have to rebook!

Wonder what we will do next week. I confirmed Falls Church is on the rail so realistically I could take the girls to the city every day. Maybe I will, though Dan says they are having too much fun at the pool in the community. But maybe a few days at least. I want to see the Zoo this time around and if I can get back to the WWII Monument - I really liked that one. And the American History museum with Dorothy's ruby slippers, Fonz's leather jacket and Archie's armchair.

Prayers for a safe trip.

Summer Is Looking Promising!

I got an invite to visit Dan and the girls in DC mid-June. I think I'm going to go. I don't think they will be making the trek to Kansas this summer so it will be the last time I get to see them before Dan heads overseas for two years.

I also got an invite to go with John and his family on vacation in late July - to SCOTLAND! I'm going to Scotland! I'll see castles, the Loch Ness and Hagrid's Hut! I am so excited about it! All I have to cover is the cost of the airfare - they have an extra room in the apartment they are renting (Diane's folks were suppose to go but backed out for health reasons) and John says they will cover my fees to get into places and food and such (though I will try to pay my own way.) I am so excited!!

A Marriage and a Mess Up

Spent the week end in Hermann to attend Samantha Englert's wedding. It was a lovely ceremony and a beautiful bride. She found the perfect match in Kale Dempsey and I hope for them many years of happy wedded bliss.

Have I written about Andrea's latest? She got caught in the school with 90 prescription drugs on her. She admitted she has been unable to sleep so she mixed the contents of 17 pills with water and downed it. Then took another 90 to school. She was given the option of going to the hospital for treatment or the police office for booking. She went to the hospital and was put on 72 hour uncooperative lock down. Then on Friday, the judge listened to the doctor in charge of her care and agreed she needed to stay for at least another week.

I then found out that a few weeks back, right before she announced she was going to begin attending NA meetings, that her day-to-day 'servant' had gone thru her bedroom and removed alcohol bottles and street drugs. FROM MY HOUSE! And they didn't bother to tell us what they had found. Probably siting confidentiality. Screw that - you find street drugs and alcohol bottles hidden in my house, you had better freaking tell me.

Then, Kathey was here this week end cat-dog sitting. She was looking through the kitchen cabinets for a pan to bake cornbread and found a mostly empty bottle of booze hidden among the pans. I almost came unglued when she told me.

She is going to call these so-called care givers and tell them someone needs to come get all these prescription drugs Andrea has at the house. I am going to get the name of her primary case manager and give him/her a piece of my mind. You don't keep secrets about crap like that. I will also tell him/her that Andrea will need to be out of my house by the end of May. She broke the hard and fast rule about booze and drugs. No more chances. She is making decisions that I don't agree with and I will no longer support her with a safe haven  - she needs to start feeling the consequences of her actions.

She's outta here.

Just Another Update

The wedding is over - and I didn't go. Andrea told me Breezy asked where I was and she told her I was under the weather. I'm fine with that. You know, I REALLY hope she proves me wrong and is a wonderful, committed wife and mother who contributes to the household bills and doesn't cheat on my brother. I really hope I'm wrong about her.

We are starting to plan for Andrea's graduation party - I think she might actually complete her high school career! I've decided to go all out for her because I'm pretty sure she will never have another graduation. I just don't see her handling college, not with all the coddling she's gotten from her parents, teachers and social workers. She's so use to getting to do things her way, she has no idea how to be a team player and do things the way others expect (professors, employers, etc.) So, in three weeks I hope to have a house full of Andrea supporters congratulating her on her success.

Next week end we head to Hermann to attend Samantha Englert's wedding. Unlike George's nuptials, I'm looking forward to this wedding. Samantha could be such a role model to Andrea - she's done everything right. Still need to get the pets situated for the week end; I'll ask George to check on kitties and Tom to puppysit Bailey.

I'm still communicating with Susanna via Facebook message. Not sure where this is leading and I'm not sure where I hope it goes. I am totally stymied by the whole thing.

Family Drama

Heavy sigh.

I had gotten used to not having a sister in my life - had reminded myself I have only brothers. Then a Facebook message pops up from Susanna. It said she misses me and loves me. WTF?

I sat on it for a few days and responded, saying I only want her to be happy and if that means living five miles away and never seeing one another, then that's what it means. Even told her I love her and the girls.

A few days later she responds - how are things going, how are you feeling? WTF - Part II.

I haven't responded. Truth be told, having her not in my world has made my life that much less stressful. I can't go back to trying (unsuccessfully, I know) bite my tongue around the girls when they tell me the latest stupid thing Susanna and Jackass have done or said. I can't go back to living on eggshells around them. I can't go back to what I finally got behind me. So what do I do?

And the wedding count down has begun on Facebook - I should un-friend Breezy but I'm afraid to make a move she will interpret as hostile and react the way she has in the past. Not so much for me as for George who knows he's f**ked. He needs all the support he can get, and should Breezy decide to pull a 'Susanna' and mark me as Enemy #1, George has to suffer for it.

I don't want to get sucked in to other people's miseries - I really don't.

April Showers

Amazingly, March is gone and April has started. It's been three years today that I lost my beautiful Cujo Kitten - I miss her every day.

Got a surprise Facebook message from Susanna Wednesday. I'm not sure it wasn't an April Fool joke - it was short but said she wanted me to know that she loves me. Sounds like a joke, doesn't it? She, who has ignored me for almost two years (except for the occasional hate email) suddenly sending a sweet note? I responded today, saying I just want her to be happy and if us not having a relationship makes her happy, then that's the way it's gotta be.

And how did she send a Facebook message when we aren't friends? Didn't know you could do that.

I told George I wasn't going to his wedding. He was disappointed but said he understood. He said 70% of the invited guests have declined. Very few people on his side think it's a good idea - in fact, no one on his side thinks it's a good idea! But he's going to do it. Gotta do what you gotta do to be happy (though he will be miserable until she leaves with Piper and takes half his house in the process - and we all know it's going to happen.) She doesn't know I won't be in attendance - I assume as soon as she finds out she will decide I'm not a good influence on Piper and try to keep her away from me. Which is fine - I'm good at playing that game!

Adrea's Come-To-Jesus Meeting

After numerous requests from both me and Shawn to clean her pigsty of a room with only the courteous' of 'I know' and no follow-up action, I wrote her a letter. A straight forward letter letting her know that we are done with the disrespect she shows us in dismissing our simple request. I gave her about 24 hours to get her room operating-room clean or I would do it, with the consequence of her stuff just being tossed out. And I suggested if she wanted to live like that, she was welcome to do so in her own apartment.

Her room has never looked cleaner.

Sometimes you just have to put in writing what you want to say. She can dismiss your conversations all she wants but when it's on paper, there's not a lot of excuses other than "I can't read", and I know she can.

Another One Gone

We are burying Uncle Tom this morning. He died Tuesday, after living with MS for close to 25 years. The parents' generation is quickly dissolving - two uncles and one aunt left. Then it's my generation's turn. That scares me beyond reasoning.

I've been thinking of Mom and Dad all week - next Thursday will be the 14th anniversary of Mom's death and Dad's 5th is coming up in May. Aunt Bobbie was right those many years ago when she told me in the limo on the way to the church for Mom's funeral Mass that you miss your parents every day of your life. I truly do.

Oz - The Great and Powerful

Shawn and I went to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz! Well, the new Oz movie, that is. It was fabulous! I might go see it again tomorrow - only in 3D. Some of the scenes looked like they would be real fun in 3D mode. That is one DVD going in my collection! And it might make for a good Christmas gift for someone, too. Maybe the movie along with the books. Something to keep in mind!

Family Drama

So Tom sent an email to the family at large telling everyone how hard they've had it for the last 7 years. They are out of money, out of time and out of hope. Michael is locked away till the end of April, Ana is pregnant, Andrea is starting to slack again in school and the only positive thing they could say about Alex is he's going to be an Eagle Scout (which is more Kathey's accomplishment than his.) That is one messed up family.

I've been trying to find the courage to ask Shawn a question all day - I never did. I guess maybe on Wednesday. I have to ask him if he's thinking about divorce and, if so, what stage he's in - eminent, inevitable or eventually. I am almost to inevitable. I just don't know how much longer I can hang on with his drinking - it's getting worse month by month. And the one thing I can count on when he's drunk is that he will be unpredictable and that's not a good thing to count on. I'm pretty sure he will tell me that, yes, he is thinking about it.

George is going to go thru with the marriage 'for Piper's sake' though I told him Piper needs a stressfree environment and if that means separate houses for Mom and Dad, then that's what it means. But he is so obsessed with that child that he is going to do whatever he needs to to keep her in his day-to-day life. He keeps saying he wants to do what's best for Piper but the truth is, he wants to do what's best for him, and having Piper with him every day is best for him, regardless of the condition of the home life. To be honest, he's going to have a real hard time sending her to school when the time comes. He is pulling a 'John.'

Mo and Curly's birthday is next week - they will be four. Can't believe it's only been three four. I can't say anything to Shawn about it because he will respond, 'well, they are old enough to fend for themselves' and he'll dump them in a field some place. So, I will have a quiet celebration when he's not looking. Sad that I have to do that.

Sister Helen

We buried Sister Helen Forge today - she passed away last week, three weeks after celebrating her 90th birthday.

When Nana was on her deathbed, she confused Sister Helen with a daughter, Phyllis, that she had lost at or shortly after childbirth many many years before. Rather than correct her, Sister Helen took the role, assuring Nana that she was fine and happy. She gave Nana peace in her last days - something Mom, and myself in her stead, was grateful for till her dying day. Sister Helen was an extraordinary person, who always called me by my RIGHT name every time our paths would cross. RIP.

Don't Want To Do It Anymore

I don't want to be married to Shawn anymore. He has proved himself to be a cold, heartless person who enjoys hurting me just because he can. He is cruel and unapologetic in his verbal attacks on me. He is demanding, controlling and unsympathetic. And I am done - I'm done.

I can't afford to live here without his paycheck and I really can't afford (or maybe I don't want) to move with the dog and cats. So I will stay. But I will focus on myself this year- I will make myself as happy as I can, and stay as away from him as I can. Once Andrea gets the hell out, I will move in that room and just live separate lives.

And then I will be old and die and my worthless life will be over.

I don't want to be married to him anymore.

I'm done.

Charlie's Broken Leg

Oh, Charlie! He slipped on the ice Thursday at 1:00 a.m. and broke his right leg in three places. He had surgery at KU Med Friday evening - making for a very long day for me (Tom and I went to be with him until he came out of surgery - at midnight!) He will spend a few days at Tom's until he gets proficient with crutches (I loaned him mine so he wouldn't have to pay for a set). The doctor's parting words to us after updating us on the surgery was to keep him off the sauce while he recovers. I guess they did a toxicology on him when he showed up at their door. Wonder if this will be a wake-up call to stop the drinking? I kind of doubt it.

I've spent a great deal of the day taking down Christmas stuff. I had to put it all up alone and I'm having to take it all down alone - even though it's Sunday and Shawn is home. He is sick so he's laying on the sofa hogging the TV. Of course. I'm trying really hard to not let my anger get the better of me - I want to be in a loving mood when we go to Maui in October.

I guess I have to work in the office Tuesday since the new telecommuter rules have gone into effect. I'm not sure there will be sufficient desks for all of us (the two returning to the office don't go back till next month so for this month, we will need four stations.) I am trying to still enjoy my job but I'm burning out faster and faster between breaks in work. And it's not the job - I'm just 48, been working full time consistently since 1987 and I'm tired.

2013

A new year - a renewal of life. What happens this year? How do I let go of last year's angsts? What changes are in store - what heart aches and disappointments? So many celebrate January 1 but I wonder if I might be celebrating the start of the worst year, maybe the final year of my life. Do I make the same old resolutions, knowing I am going to fail at keeping them again? Do I toss everything to the wind and see where it falls? I only know I have 365 days to make a difference - a difference in my life and a difference in the lives of those around me. Or I have 365 days to do nothing - just like the last 365 days.