Life's A Bitch

Life is a bitch and so, apparently, am I. Or so more and more people seem to be saying as much. Maybe my New Year resolution will be to just remove myself from all things family. Won't be able to do that till Andrea moves out in August, but from then on out, I may just retreat unto myself.

Started a Bucket List - decided I couldn't just put down places I want to visit, each entry must be a specific want. So, instead of saying I want to go to Ireland, I asked myself, what do I want to see/do/accomplish while there? It was easy enough to answer - I want to check out Eyrecourt Castle in County Galway. So far I have about a dozen items in my Bucket and none of them cheap! 

Andrea is having her family over this evening for a Christmas gathering. I am wondering if I can fain a head ache and just stay in the bedroom. But then no one will pat Michael down at the end of the evening to see what he's smuggling out. Seven more months.

Almost Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here! Tree and all the decorations are up and looking good, Christmas gifts are bought and (mostly) wrapped, holiday boxes are ready to ship, Christmas letter is written and printed (though I still need to get copies done) and cards are addressed and waiting for letter and stamp. The mailing will all get done tomorrow. Then it is just a few more gifts to wrap and I am done. Till next year.

Hawaii Bound

Looks like we're heading to Hawaii next October! Maui to be precise (had to learn how to spell it!) I have booked the Pineapple Inn B&B for 8 nights and have sent in the deposit (which is our half of the cost of the cottage). Plenty of time, but we still need to book flights (at about $920 a person!), a rental car and the helicopter tour Shawn wants to go on and zipline we both want to go on. It's going to cost us a pretty penny, but you only live once and it's not like we have kids to leave our fortune to. I'm also going to need to find some place for Bailey to hang out - George, I'm sure will check on the cats but I can't ask him to take Bailey for that long - not with the household he's already dealing with.

I got my TSP check - my portion of Dad's retirement. It will go directly toward credit card debit. Shawn thinks it will cover the total debt but, unfortunately, it won't. It will cover most of it but I will still have about $3,000 to go. I am shocked at how it built up. It's going to take me to June or July to finish paying for it. I will SO have a party when it's done - a party with a budget!! Mom and Dad still bailing me out - that's impressive.

Speaking of - I put a $2.50 wreath on their tombstone yesterday. Tied a pretty red bow to it and used one of those insta-stick hooks. I don't know how long the hook will last in the elements, but it looked really nice - the white and red poinsettias I left last month were still there and Aunt Bobbie had gone by and left a snowman and decorative Christmas gift. I know the day will come when no one will visit their graves and leave mementos, no one will remember them. Makes me sad. And no one will ever visit my grave site - I will be forgotten before the dirt settles on my coffin. God, I hope there is a Heaven.

Thanksgiving Is Over - Christmas Is Coming

Thanksgiving was a quiet event this year - and for that I am thankful! Just me, Shawn and Andrea for a Noon feast, then Andrea headed to her family's annual Thanksgiving Day Disaster at Karen Carroll's. She came up a bit upset but then, she ALWAYS comes home from Family Time a bit upset.

Tom and Kathy are apparently fighting nonstop - I had to go mediate a family meltdown on Monday which started with Michael throwing a hissy, Kathy calling the cops on him, Michael choosing to go to juvie rather than face the wrath of his parents and ending with Tom telling Kathy to be gone from the house by the time he got back from juvie with the littlest troublemaker. She was packing, too, when they got home. Fortunately (?) Tom had calmed down and Kathy ended up not leaving. I would have left. Michael was walking around the house smug as a bug in the knowledge that he had created such havoc. He didn't even get punished for any of it. He got 'anger management' sessions. Brats - the lot of them.

Not to be outdone, Ana has announced she is pregnant and expecting in July. She plans on keeping the baby and Tom and Kathy have agreed to let her continue to live with them. Is it wrong to hope for a miscarriage?

Good news is they don't think they can afford to rent that particular house again next summer so they are planning a move in May! Hopefully they will move out of the city and the Hunt family name can again prosper around here.

If they don't move, I just might.

Gearing Up

Trying to get ready for the holidays. I've been listening to Christmas music on my longer walks with Bailey, watching Christmas Hallmark Channel movies and writing up Christmas gift lists. I am still inclined to just not do any of it this year but - I know if I skip one year, I will skip them all. And that would make me sad on my death bed. So... Andrea has said she will help decorate the house and George has said he will come by and put up the house lights. I am just going to have to make it a team effort this year.

Shawn's drinking has gotten the better of him - he drinks every day, he drinks a lot every day and he is oblivious as to how much he drinks. He is now 'sneaking' drinks by leaving his glass on the kitchen counter and sipping from there, hoping I don't notice the glass behind me. And by 'going to the bathroom' at restaurants and the casino and slamming a drink at the bar before returning. He has lost control - yesterday he had five drinks that I am aware of (and probably a drink before hitting the highway after work and enough time to slam a drink at the casino bar before I found him) which would be seven drinks - in four hours. I think that's a problem but he doesn't. I know that's a problem. And now I have a problem - how do I deal with it? Stick around for life, wait till retirement then go our separate ways or call it a day now? I don't know.

SOLD

Sold the house to George! Hooray! Put the check ($83,000) in the bank and did the Dance of Joy! I also dropped off all the tax stuff I've collected with Jennifer - she is going to get the trust all straightened out. Hopefully by March, I'll be writing checks! I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Shawn and I have been having some issues - well, one issue really; his drinking. I have told him I will no longer go out to eat with him because he gets drunk and I get embarrassed. Shushing him as he talks smack about races, cleaning up his drunken spills and turning red when he says something embarrassing is no way to spend a meal. So, I am not dining out with him until he gets some help. He is too far gone to be able to pull back on his own; unfortunately, he doesn't see that he needs help. I really have some serious thinking about my future. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on living like this - neither one of us is happy.

Started my Christmas shopping. Fun - not really.

Happy Halloween

Last day of October - Halloween! I did not decorate; I was doing well to get trick-or-treat candy. Maybe I will find the spirit to decorate next year.

New Orleans was fun but I have no desire to return. Been there, done that. Check it off my Bucket List and move on. Still thinking of hitting Disney in January but the cost might not work - not with Hawaii in October 2013. I'll have to see what happens with the telecommuting decision and if I will need to start covering the cost of gas to and from the office three times a week. That will put a huge dent in my budget and not only Disney but possibly Hawaii will have to be put on a back burner. We shall see.

Complicated Niece

So Andrea decided she didn't really want to spend the weekend with her family (since she can't stay here as we are leaving town and after last June, we do not feel good leaving her here). So she took too many pills, called the ambulance and went to the pych ward for a few days. Again. She's just returned home - not sure what she is planning for the weekend but we aren't changing our minds.

We are giving her one more chance at getting her act together and being a responsible person when it comes to managing her meds, her school and her life. If she decides to hide from reality with another 'respite' at a local medical institution, she will not be returning here. Although she is calm (for the most part) and polite and all while here, her drama is starting to wear on us. We avoid drama - she thrives on it. This is her final chance to get a grip on things and succeed. I get to talk to her about it tomorrow I guess. Fun.

I also find out tomorrow what the verdict is on the telecommuting program at work. There is a big meeting for the afternoon - if they've decided to do away with it and expect us all to report to the office, I will need to put together my resume and start job hunting for something closer. Driving to the office would be like taking a 10% pay cut (with gas and car wear-and-tear) and that's BEFORE taxes. In take-home pay, we're looking more at a 20% pay cut. And I just don't have that kind of money.

The house is still in limbo. Everytime we accomplish one demand from the lenders (remove the mold, replace the roof, paint the exterior) it seems they come up with another one. They've demanded two appraisals - tomorrow I guess George finds out if they were happy with this second appraisal and will OK the loan. I am just waiting to hear what they expect next. This is insane.

I miss my Tucker Martini.

Another Shattered Heart

I held him in my arms and sang to him. He died at 10:50 a.m., Thursday, September 20, 2012. He will be in my heart until I meet up with him again.


Tucker Martini Hunt-Weissenbach



End of Summer

We are heading to the Weissenbachs this afternoon for the Close-The-Pool Party. I can't believe another summer has come to an end. I didn't make it out to the pool nearly as often as I had planned - maybe half a dozen times. I'm not really sure why - maybe it's because when I go, I see all the little kids who are no more; either all grown up and gone or taken away from me.

Looks like George is going to be able to buy Dad's house - after a few stumbling blocks it all looks to be in step. That will be a huge relief off my back (and a big burden on George's). The inspector found mold (no kidding?) on the roof in the bigger basement bedroom. The Moldinator was suppose to go out yesterday to replace the paneling but I guess he never showed. It has to get done before the appraiser goes out and he's due maybe Tuesday. Heck, maybe if we have to we can spray paint over the spot for the appraiser and then see what is taking the Moldinator. I wonder if that would work???? In any case, the mold spots were the ONLY things the inspector found, which really kind of shocked me. Oh, I also have to get to City Hall to see if the house is on septic or sewer. Both George and I can remember Dad hooking the house to sewer back in 1980 or so (can't forget the huge hole in the backyard!) but the water department is saying we haven't been charged for sewer. So if we ARE on sewer and haven't been charged in over 30 years, can they come back and charge all that NOW? Gulp - that will put a dent in the inheritance.

Tucker Martini is still hanging in there, though he is staying behind the work computer. I have been walking around with a pit in my stomach - it's just a matter of time. I pray for him every night, first thought in the morning and all throughout the day. But God isn't going to grant me this one.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Had a really nice birthday. Shawn, Andrea and I picked up Charlie and headed to the KC Ethnic Food Festival at Swope Park where we proceeded to eat around the world. Sampled about a dozen or so different countries - and mostly just enjoyed hanging with Charlie. I hadn't seen him in a few months so it was nice to 'check in' on him!

In other news - George and I have agreed on a price for the house. It's low but not as low as his original offer. The house still has to go through appraisal and inspection but then it will be all his (and no longer my nightmare.) My only concern is he does to me what he's done to Shawn over the car he bought from Molle - every time something goes wrong with the car, he calls Shawn and expects Molle (aka Shawn) to take care of it. I am trying to make it clear that I will not put any more money in the house - the roof, drywall (which was his fault to begin with) and basement door is all he's getting out of us. He mentioned us possibly fixing the basement drain and I said no. I am afraid he's going to keep coming back to me asking that the trust fix this and that after the sale is final.

Andrea had an episode this week where she told her counselor via phone that she was thinking of hurting herself. The counselor called the cops, Andrea left the house, the cops hunted her down.... it was not good. That game is old - what is she going to do when she goes to college next year and doesn't have the support system around her? Is she really going to hurt herself or will her bluff be called when no one goes looking for her after a threat? Intellectually I get that there are folks that have emotional issues but I have a hard time dealing with them. I just want to slap them, tell them to snap out of it and to stop playing the pity "poor me" card. I'm not very sympathetic.

And They're Gone

Dan and the girls left this morning. I actually sobbed when they pulled out of the driveway. Dan finds out in a few days where the girls will live and it really doesn't look good for him. So he will be alone in life, no wife, no kids, no cat and no dog. My heart just breaks for him. I know it's wrong to ask God to take kids away from a parent, but I'm asking him all the same. The girls need to be with Dan and Dan needs to be with the girls.

I've been in a blue funk all day - tearing up at the slightest provocation. I hate being left behind and I get left behind and alone by myself all the time. People are living their lives around me while I sit day after day in a little bedroom office typing at a computer screen and staring out the window. It's common for me to not talk to anyone face-to-face until 9:00 in the evening. I may be nearing a nervous breakdown.

I miss Danny and the girls.

Family

So, Dan and the girls are bunking here for a few weeks. The house is packed but it's been fun spending time with Mykenzie and Lindsey. They are growing up too fast!

We took them to 'our museum', aka The Carroll House. They were very interested in it all, especially the Hunt items - and the little shop!

They have been spending a good deal of time with Tom and his kids, which is nice. Dan plans on driving them to Wichita to see John and them-thar youngins'. I hope he will also get in touch with Susanna so the girls can meet up with Emily and Krissy someplace (I suggested bowling as kids get two games free - just pay for the shoes.)

Not much else going on. Working - some overtime, too. I have a few days off in August - hooray! Then I hang on till mid-October. Work is not what it used to be - they have made it impossible to get a decent bonus. One error and your stats are shot for the quarter. I am thinking once the Cerner campus is finished near The Ledgends, that I might see about getting a job there. Maybe. Winning the lottery would be a plan, too!

I am struggling with work - actually had a letter rejected back to me today; only the second one I can recall this year. Unfortunately, all it takes is one to ruin your stats for the quarter. There will be no big bonus for me this year - I'll be lucky to hold on to my job. I am just getting overwhelmed with management's expectations. No matter how hard we work, how well we work and how much we work, they are always telling us they expect more. I'm not a machine - I will break.

Dan and the girls are heading this way next week and will be here on Friday for a few days before they go to a Dude Ranch. Then they will be back for probably a week or so after that. I actually managed to take a few days off for the period they will be here so maybe we can go to the Zoo. I'm going to get Starlight tickets for Peter Pan, too. Not sure what else we'll do and I think they plan on going to visit John for a few days, too.

The trust/estate is going slowly but surely. Work on the mold removal begins tomorrow. We are still waiting for an estimate on the roof. TSP called me (finally) and will get forms out to everyone as soon as I get them every one's Social Security numbers, which Shawn is going to fax out for me tomorrow. I have absolutely no idea how much is in the thrift savings plan so I've no idea what to expect from them. The attorney is looking in to what we need to do to get the estate stuff handled (to probate or not to probate - that is the question!) What are the chances I'll have this all done by the end of the year?

live-in mess

So, last week-end was going well - had Shawn in Columbia at a cute little hotel, Stoney Creek Inn. We were getting ready for Saturday when Tom called. Apparently, Andrea had 'guests' for the night. Instantly ruined our week-end as Shawn couldn't stop thinking about who might have been given access to our home. Although we tried to enjoy the winery and the dinner train, we ended up leaving very early Sunday morning to get home as quickly as we could.

Turns out Andrea had two boys stay over Friday night, during which she had sex with one (breaking our agreement about no boys upstairs) while leaving the other to his own devices. There were trust and estate documents all over the dining room table, personal bank documents on the kitchen counter, and since she took one upstairs she also escorted him to my office where there is plenty of client information. THEN, after her father caught her with these two guys, she thought it was fine to have them over AGAIN Saturday night!!! I felt totally violated, like I had two intruders living in my home for the week-end. When Andrea said she was going to come clean, she tried to still deny the sex until I looked her in the eye and told her to think very hard about what she was about to say because we already knew the answer (found a used condom in her trash). So even when she was 'coming clean', she was lying. So the trust is gone. Probably against our better judgement, we agreed to give her a second chance - so you know she's thinking that since we had originally said no second chances and we were breaking that, that she could 'convince' us to give her additional chances in the future. We won't.

I was forced to spend $100 for a filing box for all the trust/estate docs and keep them in my office, a locking filing cabinet for the work documents and a new door handle with a lock and key. And when we go out of town, aka in October, she will not be allowed to stay here. She will have to find some place else for that time frame. Disappointed to say the least - we offer her a free safe place to stay with very few rules, we don't ask her where she's going or when she will be back, there are no chores for her to do... and she pays us back by breaking our agreement the very first chance she gets.

Other news; George wants to buy the folks' house. We have to get the mold out and the roof repaired for any mortgage company to OK a mortgage so that's going to adjust the cost of the house - something I havent' talked to him about yet. But those are the two items that have prevented it from selling. Fix it and we could possibly sell the house to someone else for more. So, I have to ask more from George. he won't be pleased - but I have to think about everyone, not just me and George. Charlie could use the money, Tom needs the money, Dan wants to add to the girls' LQ accounts, and the Jackass probably is due a new computer. I have to keep their interest in mind when I sell the house.

Lfe Sucks

My heart is breaking again. Tucker's kidneys are shutting down - just like Cujo. I don't know how much longer I will get to keep him. Just now five and his life is coming to an end. Unbelievable. I can't stop crying. My baby boy Tucker Martini Hunt-Weissenbach.

Andrea has moved in. We will see how it goes.

Bailey has moved in. There's no turning back now.

Dan has left.

Life sucks.

Just an Update

We've agreed to let Andrea stay with us this summer - we will see if it's a good fit and still a necessity in the fall. I hope she is serious about getting back on the right track and isn't just playing us. If she is serious, I think we will be a big help as a halfway house of sorts. If she is just telling us what she thinks we want to hear without intention of making changes, then she won't last the summer with us. No three-strike rule with us - it's a one-and-you're-done rule here.

Uncle Gene dropped by yesterday for a visit. He's in town to visit mostly his sister but also his siblings-in-law. He said Sister Helen is slowing down, confined to a wheelchair and suffering memory loss. She was always such an independent and vitalized woman, it's sad to hear of her deterioration. She's 86, I believe - maybe a year or two older. Old enough for everyone to agree she lived a long and fruitful life.

This has been a Piper Shae week-end - I've had Piper since Friday evening and she won't be picked up till late tonight. What a charmer she is! I was hoping to take her to the pool today but decided the water would be too cold (the in-law's haven't turned on the heater to the pool.) Maybe next time she stays and plays.

Working my way through the trust, though I have so much further to go. This week I HAVE to find someone who does signature guarantees so I can get the Oppenheimer account reregistered. And I have to make an appointment with an attorney so I can get the personal rep appointment handled. The house isn't selling, no one is even looking at it, and Dan is out in two weeks. George has been told he needs to go, too. Once the house is empty, I'm going to have to take on the added responsiblity of caring for it and paying the utilities. Like I don't have enough to do. No one is going to help me - and the house isn't going to sell for a long time. I could be making trips out there for years. The guys need to pay for a nice vacation for me when all is said and done; I deserve one!

It's been awhile since my last blog. Lots to report so sit back and soak it all in!

George's wedding is off. He found sext messages between Breezy and a friend in his Pirate Band. He is very angry - however, he is incapable of taking control of his life and making whatever changes need to be made to help him resolve his anger. Breezy is still living at the house, George (and Breezy) are still touring with the Pirates... nothing like playing the martyr!

I've gone through a lot of training at work and am now processing from two queues and writing emails. On top of letters. With more training to come. Guess the training will help me hold on to my job but.... my brain is pretty much at it's maximum capacity. Work is work, nothing fun left about it.

Charlie and Tom both finally officially resigned as trustee so I am dealing with the whole trust. Figures, I have a job and now have to be trustee while the other two don't have jobs and refuse to be trustee. I've got things going but I have a feeling I'm going to have to drain the checking account to repay Charlie for covering last year's property tax and Dan's out-of-pocket to clean up the mess of a house, I'll have to visit an attorney to make sure there's nothing else I need to do with regard to taking over trusteeship and deal with getting appointed executor for the non-trust items (again, Charlie then Tom are suppose to be executor but neither have done anything to do so), and pay a CPA to file all the late taxes and pay any tax and penalties. And get the dang house sold. Lots to do.

Dan is leaving at the end of the month. We have to have George out of the house, too, because he and Breezy are incapable of maintaining the house so we can show it. Which means I will have to start making runs over there to ensure all is well, start paying the utility bills, get the lawn cut and bail out the basement every time it rains. More work for me. But of course no one will see that - all they will see is me kicking George out of the house and stalling on dissolving the trust and sending out checks.

Can life get any better? I think not.

Not Much To Report

So, Del and Gayle are taking Scott and family to Disney World on Thursday - without me. It's been driving me insane knowing family is going and I'm not included. I just need them to go and get it done with; then maybe I'll get past this obsession.

Shawn and I are in talks to go to New Orleans late April. I took the time off but he has not. Chances are very good he won't - he promised to take time off to go to Arizona but reneged. He said he would take time off to go to Disney with his family but didn't. He won't take April off, either. Maybe I'll find someone else to go with me. Don't know who, though.

Breezy is pregnant again. Looks like maybe another October baby. I'm thrilled for them of course, but what in God's name were they thinking? George can't support himself - and now he's going to be expected to support a family of four? They are going to be homeless in a few months (I think we've all agreed they need to be out of the house by the time Dan goes to D.C.) No idea what they are going to do - and I can't let it get to me. He's a big boy - he will have to figure it out.

Happy Valentine's Day

So, Shawn told me over dinner Friday night that it's his fault our love life is non-existent and he doesn't miss it. I was totally devastated - he doesn't miss it? Really?

This Sunday I'm making plans in my final attempt to reconnect with him before insisting we get some help. A nice lunch (haven't decided where), a concert of the Vienna Boys Club (at the Lansing High School - gotta get tickets tomorrow) and a chocolate-tasting at home in front of the fireplace with a bottle of Aste Spumonti. If we go to bed and to sleep after that, then I fear we might be heading in the direction of ending this relationship. I already have enough brothers - I want a husband.

He did come home tonight with a dozen roses and a heart-shaped box of Hershey's chocolates. That was nice. I had a heart-shaped box of turtle candies on his pillow - he found them when he went to change out of his work clothes. He seemed to appreciate that gesture as well.

But where has the romance gone? What happened to the passion? Please, no more granny kisses!

Around Round

We had a nasty surprise at work today - another round of layoffs. I don't know the exact number of folks losing their jobs, but Correspondence lost three - two writers and a processor. They were 'scheduled' for their 1x1's today and walked out unemployed. Some of the names I've heard are shocking and almost all of them had long tenures - 15 years, 20 years. They 'trimmed' the department by letting those with the highest paychecks go. I'm about $1,500 away from maxing out in my position so in another three years or so, my name will probably appear on the list. This was shocking and is hard to swallow. The department is NOT overstaffed; they are cutting down so they can give back to Corporate or to the Stowers Institute. They've gone from trimming to greedy. And now there will be even more work expectations on those of us left. We have to pick up the slack of two writers AND we're suppose to begin processing in a month or so.

Sometimes I think I should just find another job, even if it's lower pay and requires office attendance and get the suspense over with. I will again focus on paying off my debt so we could actually make it on a smaller paycheck.

Happy Birthday,Sweet 16

Ana had her 16th birthday party today - at my house. Not sure why she wanted it here but I suspect it was so she wouldn't have to do any prep work (aka housework). Can't say that I blame her there! I certainly didn't mind hosting it as I am pretty good at that and it forces me to do my own neglected chores to get the house ready! It all went off without a hitch and I think Ana had a good time. The house was full of teen-agers and that was kind of different - guess I should get used to it as the kids transition to that stage.

Tomorrow is my last Big Monday - I've been working 10-hour Mondays for 8 years but beginning next week, I switch over to a Big Thursday. I was so glad my manager agreed to let me keep a 'Big' day in exchange for a shortened Wednesday (and to work a split schedule on my Infusion Wednesdays). I didn't care too much which day was going to be my 10-hour one and Thursday is already a rotten day for me so why not add to the rottenness? This week is also my last flex week - next week we go to set schedules. Hate that but what can I do? I need the money!

Speaking of money, we were notified Friday that we are getting a SECOND surprise bonus on Tuesday! ACI has been in court with JPM for a few years (I think) as they separated partnership and I guess ACI was awarded money so the Execs decided to spread the good news (and cash) to us! Wow - I can always use a bonus!

I sent Susanna a letter Friday asking if I could take the girls to Disney late September/early October like I had promised Kristen I would. I don't expect them to say yes but at least when Krissy asks me in 20 years why I never took her (and I took her sisters), I can say I saved for it and I asked her parents and they said no.

Happy 2012

So the world is suppose to end this year - am I ready for such an event? Have I been all I can be for myself and for others? Would I be leaving anything undone or unsaid? Sadly, the answer would have to be YES. This year I hope to settle the air with my sister, make love to my husband and reconnect with my friends. This year.

So, I think I may take some beginning yoga classes. Six classes for $35, once a week. Unfortunately for me, the day of the week the class is offered is Thursday - soon to be my Big 10-Hour Thursday. Or I could try for the 8:30 a.m. Saturday class. Which is the lesser of the two evils? Thursday - I'm not giving up my Saturday mornings! I hope I can do at least most of the positions. I have a feeling I won't be able to and will be encouraged to attend the Yoga for Arthritic Folks class. Not going there.

I took Shawn to Chateau Avalon for New Year's Eve. We had a nice dinner at Louisiana Jazz (live music) and spent about 20 minutes in the two-man hot tub in the room. Then we curled up in bed and Shawn... yup, he fell asleep. I tried to wake him as the ball dropped but he would have none of it. I know he's tired and I get he needs to sleep but maybe he could have tried a little harder to stay awake. Sleeping on the last New Year's Eve we're suppose to get. Sad.