Almost Can't Stand Him

What am I going to do? When I'm honest with myself, I almost can't stand being around Shawn. I feel the same way around him as I did around my father - not much more important than a housekeeper. When I hear that garage door open in the evenings, I shudder and think that my quiet day has come to an end - now I live life the way Shawn wants me to live it, be it handing over the TV controls, making him a meal, washing his underwear. I usually leave the room within 20 minutes of his arriving. And when I DO stay put and finish my show, HE leaves the room. I don't think he wants to be around me, either.

I came to an epiphany the other day about those Sunday morning walks we used to take (and he's threatening me with again). I hate mornings, always have. And Sunday morning is only one of two days a week I can sleep in so to give that up is painful. I would much rather walk Saturday evening, when it's cooler, I've the energy and I WANT to walk. But I'm expected to make the sacrifice for 'us'; he wouldn't walk with me on Saturday. Why? Why are his needs and desires more important than mine? Why do I always feel like I'm the one making the sacrifice? So if he does decide he's going to force me to walk again when the Spring comes, it will be with the concession that one week we walk Sunday morning, the next week we walk Saturday night. A true compromise.

And he can't find and isn't looking for his birth certificate so he won't get his passport in time for Greece and might have to miss out on a Disney cruise next year. Neither of which he really wants to do. How convenient for him.

I seriously almost cannot stand him.