Time to Get Serious

It's time to get serious about losing weight. Friday I went to Slim-4-Life and signed up for a year program. Cost a fortune but it has to be cheaper than the drugs I'll be taking forever if I don't get a handle on the weight. They guarantee that I will lose 3 pounds a week if I follow the program - that will be 16 weeks. Kind of intimidating but at the same time, knowing in 16 weeks I will be back to fighting weight is exciting. I have to drive to Shawnee Mission Parkway THREE times a week, at least until I get the weight off and then I assume I can cut back to maybe twice a week during 'reintroduction to eating regular' and the maintain portion. I figure I can do this for a year then go back to Weight Watchers (pretty much for free) to maintain long term.

This plan has me taking a bunch of supplements. There is a fish oil supplement I told them I can't take because it reacts to one of my meds. I hope the other supplements don't have reactions. The biggie one is full of various herbs and Chinese stuff so I might need to do a little research on that one. It's all natural, but full of oriental stuff! But I feel good that I'm finally doing something serious about this weight. I have a long way to go with 16 weeks and 45 pounds but I'm at least on the road.

Ashes to Ashes

I picked up Cujo's ashes this afternoon. I also bought a container that kind of looks like an urn - it doesn't have a good seal but I figure I can glue it closed after the ashes are put inside. I don't know when I'll be able to do that. It was all I could do to keep from crying when I picked up the ashes. I got to the car and bawled.

♥♥♥ I miss her so much. ♥♥♥

Adjusting to My New Normal

I'm working on adjusting to my 'new normal' without my Cujo. The boys go outside as soon as I let them and the house is quiet and still. Just me. I hate it.

Shawn's passport has been returned to the passport people and they are suppose to be sending it to our post office for pick up. It should be here next week. BUT, Shawn is thinking he won't be able to get that last week in May off because they keep firing sales reps. I think I'll drop in at the travel agent tomorrow to see what kind of options we will have for our Greece trip but I won't plan anything. Shawn really doesn't want to go and is desperate for excuses to not be able to make it. Although I'm excited about the passport showing up, I'm still pretty pessimistic we'll make the trip. It would be an incredible trip, though!

Broken Hearted

I lost Cujo Kitten Hunt-Weissenbach on Easter Sunday. She had been sick for a few weeks and I kept taking her in. First we thought she had injured her hip - a week later she started throwing up and we thought it was a kidney stone. She got worse and worse, not eating for a week and only taking in water when I got it to her through a syringe, though you could tell she was hungry and thirsty. The vet was keeping her over the week-end to hydrate her and run some bloodwork. She called Sunday night to say we had lost her. They are doing an autopsy because the vet has absolutely no idea what the problem was. The thought of an autopsy is upsetting but I have the three boys and if there is something in the environment, I need to know so I can protect them. I took two days off work and cried and cried. I still cry at the drop of a hat (crying now) and I will always cry for her and for her sister Princess Leia.

I lost my Cujo Baby Cujo - and she wasn't quite 7.

Week-End Plans Blown to Pot

For weeks I had been planning a night getaway with Shawn to Chateau Avalon, even re-booking when snow hit. We stayed in the Castaway Isle room which was like sleeping in a tree house with a bubbling pond down below - very cool. Treated him to dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise (in keeping with the theme) and covered the cost of the room. He paid for nothing, we reconnected (in a much needed way!) and headed home Sunday morning happy. We then went to Jayden's birthday party - I even drove a ridiculous truck out there so he could nap on the way. And I had no issues with him heading out to poker that evening.

Then he blew it. He came home drunk.... again. And he decided it would be fun to throw Mo Sockie on top of a very sick Cujo Kitten. Cujo ended up throwing up and has been throwing up ever since. And when I yelled at him to leave her alone, she was sick, his drunken response was, 'good, maybe she'll die.' All the planning, the romance, the cost of the week-end gone in one fell swoop.

I've come to a decision I will share with him some time this week. If his drinking is as bad in ten years, I am leaving the marriage. He has ten years to get some help - I have ten years to get prepared to be on my own. I lived with alcoholics during my childhood, I live with an alcoholic during my working years - by God if I will live with an alcoholic during my end years. I'll have enough issues and won't need to have to continue to deal with this one. Ten years and I will divorce him. I deserve at least a part of my life alcoholic-free.

Another Sick One

Just when I get one cat well again, another one gets hit with something. I nursed Cujo through an eye infection, then nursed Mo through a tummy ache and now I have one hurt Cujo. She is limping so badly on her hind right leg that I finally took her in to the vet after watching her limp around for three days. The doctor couldn't find anything broken (thank goodness) but agreed Cujo was in pain. Usually cats will hide their pain as a defensive mechanism and Cujo hurt so much she couldn't hide it. She cried and growled and hissed as the doctor moved her injured leg around. It was determined it is her hip but x-rays show no break. Somehow she just managed to sprain it real severely. She got a shot for the pain and I have pain drops to sneak to her if she needs them and she is to take it easy for a few days. Which means the boys have to stop chasing her (I wonder if Mo's chasing is what hurt her to start with.) My poor baby girl.

I have Susanna's girls and Tom and family coming over Saturday for an Egg Hunt/Basket Search. I have the baskets and eggs ready to go but still need to come up with clues for the Search. Five clues for each kid, five kids... that's a lot of clues. Guess I'll be doing that tomorrow. I also have to clean house - it smells to high heaven of cat spray (thanks, Mo!) Fifi is coming over Friday to help me shampoo the carpets.

It never ends.

March Madness

This is turning into a crazy month. The kittens turn One on Thursday- I can remember the day they were born and how unhappy Tiger Lily was but how incredible her instincts to care for them were. I miss my Tiger Lily and hope she's ruling her new roost.

I think I might have seen Mysterious Charmin. A cat resembling what he would look like has been hanging around but runs when it sees me. So I can't be sure. Today the cat walked right under the front windows not knowing I was on the other side and I got a good look at it. Although the head shape is different than I would expect, there was a patch of under fur right about where Myster had his. I know that doesn't mean too much, but... What do I do if I determine it IS Mysterious? Five cats is too many so which one would I sacrifice??

I had a pap smear re-do. The doctor said not to worry too much about it but I can't help worrying. The last test found endrometri cells when it shouldn't have, which means I don't know what! I have about three weeks to wait for the results. Three long weeks. And the doctor commented that my cervix is practically closed up - which could explain why my periods are so far in between. He said the flow could just not be able to get out - no idea what happens to it.

I've not been feeling well and sleeping a lot. Climbing stairs winds me, walking a block winds me. I'm scared I'm heading toward a heart attack in the next year. I have to stop this. I have to, and I don't know why I'm not. I don't have a death wish - really I don't.

And I have to put in three hours of OT between tomorrow and Saturday. I'll probably do all three on Saturday, making it the fourth or fifth week-end in a row I've worked.

And the cost of airline tickets to Greece have gone up. Can't catch a break.