Another Shattered Heart

I held him in my arms and sang to him. He died at 10:50 a.m., Thursday, September 20, 2012. He will be in my heart until I meet up with him again.


Tucker Martini Hunt-Weissenbach



End of Summer

We are heading to the Weissenbachs this afternoon for the Close-The-Pool Party. I can't believe another summer has come to an end. I didn't make it out to the pool nearly as often as I had planned - maybe half a dozen times. I'm not really sure why - maybe it's because when I go, I see all the little kids who are no more; either all grown up and gone or taken away from me.

Looks like George is going to be able to buy Dad's house - after a few stumbling blocks it all looks to be in step. That will be a huge relief off my back (and a big burden on George's). The inspector found mold (no kidding?) on the roof in the bigger basement bedroom. The Moldinator was suppose to go out yesterday to replace the paneling but I guess he never showed. It has to get done before the appraiser goes out and he's due maybe Tuesday. Heck, maybe if we have to we can spray paint over the spot for the appraiser and then see what is taking the Moldinator. I wonder if that would work???? In any case, the mold spots were the ONLY things the inspector found, which really kind of shocked me. Oh, I also have to get to City Hall to see if the house is on septic or sewer. Both George and I can remember Dad hooking the house to sewer back in 1980 or so (can't forget the huge hole in the backyard!) but the water department is saying we haven't been charged for sewer. So if we ARE on sewer and haven't been charged in over 30 years, can they come back and charge all that NOW? Gulp - that will put a dent in the inheritance.

Tucker Martini is still hanging in there, though he is staying behind the work computer. I have been walking around with a pit in my stomach - it's just a matter of time. I pray for him every night, first thought in the morning and all throughout the day. But God isn't going to grant me this one.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Had a really nice birthday. Shawn, Andrea and I picked up Charlie and headed to the KC Ethnic Food Festival at Swope Park where we proceeded to eat around the world. Sampled about a dozen or so different countries - and mostly just enjoyed hanging with Charlie. I hadn't seen him in a few months so it was nice to 'check in' on him!

In other news - George and I have agreed on a price for the house. It's low but not as low as his original offer. The house still has to go through appraisal and inspection but then it will be all his (and no longer my nightmare.) My only concern is he does to me what he's done to Shawn over the car he bought from Molle - every time something goes wrong with the car, he calls Shawn and expects Molle (aka Shawn) to take care of it. I am trying to make it clear that I will not put any more money in the house - the roof, drywall (which was his fault to begin with) and basement door is all he's getting out of us. He mentioned us possibly fixing the basement drain and I said no. I am afraid he's going to keep coming back to me asking that the trust fix this and that after the sale is final.

Andrea had an episode this week where she told her counselor via phone that she was thinking of hurting herself. The counselor called the cops, Andrea left the house, the cops hunted her down.... it was not good. That game is old - what is she going to do when she goes to college next year and doesn't have the support system around her? Is she really going to hurt herself or will her bluff be called when no one goes looking for her after a threat? Intellectually I get that there are folks that have emotional issues but I have a hard time dealing with them. I just want to slap them, tell them to snap out of it and to stop playing the pity "poor me" card. I'm not very sympathetic.

And They're Gone

Dan and the girls left this morning. I actually sobbed when they pulled out of the driveway. Dan finds out in a few days where the girls will live and it really doesn't look good for him. So he will be alone in life, no wife, no kids, no cat and no dog. My heart just breaks for him. I know it's wrong to ask God to take kids away from a parent, but I'm asking him all the same. The girls need to be with Dan and Dan needs to be with the girls.

I've been in a blue funk all day - tearing up at the slightest provocation. I hate being left behind and I get left behind and alone by myself all the time. People are living their lives around me while I sit day after day in a little bedroom office typing at a computer screen and staring out the window. It's common for me to not talk to anyone face-to-face until 9:00 in the evening. I may be nearing a nervous breakdown.

I miss Danny and the girls.

Family

So, Dan and the girls are bunking here for a few weeks. The house is packed but it's been fun spending time with Mykenzie and Lindsey. They are growing up too fast!

We took them to 'our museum', aka The Carroll House. They were very interested in it all, especially the Hunt items - and the little shop!

They have been spending a good deal of time with Tom and his kids, which is nice. Dan plans on driving them to Wichita to see John and them-thar youngins'. I hope he will also get in touch with Susanna so the girls can meet up with Emily and Krissy someplace (I suggested bowling as kids get two games free - just pay for the shoes.)

Not much else going on. Working - some overtime, too. I have a few days off in August - hooray! Then I hang on till mid-October. Work is not what it used to be - they have made it impossible to get a decent bonus. One error and your stats are shot for the quarter. I am thinking once the Cerner campus is finished near The Ledgends, that I might see about getting a job there. Maybe. Winning the lottery would be a plan, too!

I am struggling with work - actually had a letter rejected back to me today; only the second one I can recall this year. Unfortunately, all it takes is one to ruin your stats for the quarter. There will be no big bonus for me this year - I'll be lucky to hold on to my job. I am just getting overwhelmed with management's expectations. No matter how hard we work, how well we work and how much we work, they are always telling us they expect more. I'm not a machine - I will break.

Dan and the girls are heading this way next week and will be here on Friday for a few days before they go to a Dude Ranch. Then they will be back for probably a week or so after that. I actually managed to take a few days off for the period they will be here so maybe we can go to the Zoo. I'm going to get Starlight tickets for Peter Pan, too. Not sure what else we'll do and I think they plan on going to visit John for a few days, too.

The trust/estate is going slowly but surely. Work on the mold removal begins tomorrow. We are still waiting for an estimate on the roof. TSP called me (finally) and will get forms out to everyone as soon as I get them every one's Social Security numbers, which Shawn is going to fax out for me tomorrow. I have absolutely no idea how much is in the thrift savings plan so I've no idea what to expect from them. The attorney is looking in to what we need to do to get the estate stuff handled (to probate or not to probate - that is the question!) What are the chances I'll have this all done by the end of the year?

live-in mess

So, last week-end was going well - had Shawn in Columbia at a cute little hotel, Stoney Creek Inn. We were getting ready for Saturday when Tom called. Apparently, Andrea had 'guests' for the night. Instantly ruined our week-end as Shawn couldn't stop thinking about who might have been given access to our home. Although we tried to enjoy the winery and the dinner train, we ended up leaving very early Sunday morning to get home as quickly as we could.

Turns out Andrea had two boys stay over Friday night, during which she had sex with one (breaking our agreement about no boys upstairs) while leaving the other to his own devices. There were trust and estate documents all over the dining room table, personal bank documents on the kitchen counter, and since she took one upstairs she also escorted him to my office where there is plenty of client information. THEN, after her father caught her with these two guys, she thought it was fine to have them over AGAIN Saturday night!!! I felt totally violated, like I had two intruders living in my home for the week-end. When Andrea said she was going to come clean, she tried to still deny the sex until I looked her in the eye and told her to think very hard about what she was about to say because we already knew the answer (found a used condom in her trash). So even when she was 'coming clean', she was lying. So the trust is gone. Probably against our better judgement, we agreed to give her a second chance - so you know she's thinking that since we had originally said no second chances and we were breaking that, that she could 'convince' us to give her additional chances in the future. We won't.

I was forced to spend $100 for a filing box for all the trust/estate docs and keep them in my office, a locking filing cabinet for the work documents and a new door handle with a lock and key. And when we go out of town, aka in October, she will not be allowed to stay here. She will have to find some place else for that time frame. Disappointed to say the least - we offer her a free safe place to stay with very few rules, we don't ask her where she's going or when she will be back, there are no chores for her to do... and she pays us back by breaking our agreement the very first chance she gets.

Other news; George wants to buy the folks' house. We have to get the mold out and the roof repaired for any mortgage company to OK a mortgage so that's going to adjust the cost of the house - something I havent' talked to him about yet. But those are the two items that have prevented it from selling. Fix it and we could possibly sell the house to someone else for more. So, I have to ask more from George. he won't be pleased - but I have to think about everyone, not just me and George. Charlie could use the money, Tom needs the money, Dan wants to add to the girls' LQ accounts, and the Jackass probably is due a new computer. I have to keep their interest in mind when I sell the house.