Little Girl Lost

I'm having a difficult time - Shawn gave Tiger Lily away a few weeks ago. He says he's seen her since her 'move' and she's now roosting her new nest but I miss her like crazy. He is still threatening to give away one or two more - I am working so hard to make his life so easy that he doesn't carry through on the threat. And I've been keeping the cats out of his way - they are either in the basement or outside almost the entire time he's home. And I am mopping the basement every week, sprinkling deodorizer in the litter boxes, spraying the areas around the litter boxes with Lysol, washing the cat blankies - anything I can think of to keep the scent of kitty at bay. But I also know that he will get drunk one night, come home, start yelling at me again and give up another cat. It really is inevitable. I don't know why I stay with him - yes I do. I stay because of credit card debt and fear. I really need Charlie to liquidate Dad's estate so I can get my inheritance, pay off my credit cards and be one step closer to being able to live life without Shawn. Sometimes love isn't enough; sometimes the emotional and mental abuse outweighs the love. I deserve to live at least part of my life without wondering when the next drunk will tell me I'm worthless and lazy. My childhood was spent with drunk parents, my working years are being spent with a drunk husband - do I really have to spend my twilight years with a drunk, too?