Winter, Winter Go Away

I cannot even begin to tell you how ready I am for winter to be over. I am dreaming of taking Shawn on a midweek getaway to Vegas but he won't go until it's 80* and that is getting too close to Greece to do both. I just hate this winter - it is dragging slower than ever before.

Did I mention we have both completed and filed our paperwork for passports? Shawn filed a week after me, using his mother's old passport, to which he was added as a baby, rather than a birth certificate. Fingers crossed we get them in time to book a flight and make arrangements for Greece. I kind of get this feeling the trip is slipping through my fingers, though. Wouldn't it be great if we made it? Imagine wandering the ruins of Greek temples and sitting shore side to the Mediterranean. Wow.

I took Shawn to Granite City for Valentine's Day. We had a real nice time and I got all dressed up for it. Now he wants to go back tomorrow for their lunch special. That's fine by me but it's what he always does - return to places he enjoyed rather than try some place new. Or at least some place we haven't been in awhile. Oh, well.

Almost Can't Stand Him

What am I going to do? When I'm honest with myself, I almost can't stand being around Shawn. I feel the same way around him as I did around my father - not much more important than a housekeeper. When I hear that garage door open in the evenings, I shudder and think that my quiet day has come to an end - now I live life the way Shawn wants me to live it, be it handing over the TV controls, making him a meal, washing his underwear. I usually leave the room within 20 minutes of his arriving. And when I DO stay put and finish my show, HE leaves the room. I don't think he wants to be around me, either.

I came to an epiphany the other day about those Sunday morning walks we used to take (and he's threatening me with again). I hate mornings, always have. And Sunday morning is only one of two days a week I can sleep in so to give that up is painful. I would much rather walk Saturday evening, when it's cooler, I've the energy and I WANT to walk. But I'm expected to make the sacrifice for 'us'; he wouldn't walk with me on Saturday. Why? Why are his needs and desires more important than mine? Why do I always feel like I'm the one making the sacrifice? So if he does decide he's going to force me to walk again when the Spring comes, it will be with the concession that one week we walk Sunday morning, the next week we walk Saturday night. A true compromise.

And he can't find and isn't looking for his birth certificate so he won't get his passport in time for Greece and might have to miss out on a Disney cruise next year. Neither of which he really wants to do. How convenient for him.

I seriously almost cannot stand him.

Time To Diet

Beginning Monday, I hit a serious diet. I know, I know - been there, said that. But this time I think I'm finally ready and Shawn is dieting, too. That means no tempting meals out - a big help. And I'm cleaning my house of junk food. I have three brownies left and a few handfuls of M&Ms. And Girl Scout cookies I'm pretty sure I can ignore (they're in the basement - out of sight out of mind). I plan on filling a bowl every morning with what I can eat, minus dinner. A pear/apple, a banana, an orange, string cheese, oatmeal pack and a small cup for V-8. By setting that out every morning, there will be no reason to open the fridge or a cupboard. And then salads or fish/chicken for dinner. For the month of February - it's a short month, I can do it! I have to do it.

Add to that an exercise regimen of sorts. A round of DDS, a round of jogging and a round of biking on the Wii with 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill. Moving but not bored (I hope). Again, for the month of February - it's a short month, I can do it!

What's Up With Mo Sockie?

I am worried about my Mo-mo Sockie. He twitches continuously, walks around crying/swearing, is starting to spray areas and seems quite miserable. I took him to the vet just over a week ago and he gave Mo a clean bill of health (and three shots!) and suggested maybe his issue is hormonal - that he's hitting puberty and once the extra boost of hormones calms down, so will he. I guess it makes sense, after all, his Tiger Lily Mama was pregnant at 10 months, but I kind of have my doubts. I've had enough male cats in my life and I've never seen this kind of behavior. He does seem happiest when he's outside and, fortunately, the weather has been nice enough these last few days that he can spend great amounts of time outside. I worry about the poor guy. And I've noticed Curly Monkey is starting to shiver/twitch, too.

I just ordered three Frontline applications for $50 (on sale!) and two items for Felicia's cat who has ear mites. That came to something like $20. Fortunately I spent enough that I get free shipping. Mo has to go back in two weeks for his second round of baby shots, Curly needs both rounds and they both need neutering. I'm looking at about $700 before it's all over. I must love them very much (I do!)

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

I don't know if we've gotten into double-digit temperatures all week! It's been killer-cold. We're suppose to be seeing more normal temperatures next week - sad when 32 sounds heavenly!

I took Felicia to see her movie Avatar last night. It was a pretty decent flick, although totally predictable. Guess people don't go to that one for the storyline. But I enjoyed the movie (and the Applebees) and I know Felicia was grateful to get out of the house. Poor kid, I do pray for her. Her parents sure gave her an incredibly raw deal.

It's another year so it's time to make some resolutions. I've decided I'm going to eat healthier, rather than try to lose weight. I figure if I eat healthier, I'll lose weight anyway so it will be a win-win. And of course I want to pay down debt but I also want to increase wealth so my focus will shift from paying every penny I can toward debt to giving debt a big chunk of change but not all of it. And, I'm really going to work on convincing myself I'm worth the effort-the effort to look and feel good, the effort to be fulfilled and the effort to be loved. I don't so much as put myself on the backburner for others than convince myself I'm not worth anyone's effort, my own effort included. That needs to change. And rather than resolve to find more couple time with Shawn, I'm going to resolve to find more fun time for me, whether that includes Shawn-time or not. Maybe it will include family time or volunteer time or something. So kind of the same-old-same-old resolutions but from different angles than in the past.

End of Year Thoughts

So, it looks like the end of the year is here. Tomorrow night we'll be ringing in 2010 and all the challenges it will bring. I think it's going to be a big year for me - hopefully a trip to Greece, frighteningly a knee -replacement, challengingly a big weight loss. I am more than a little nervous about the year - but what can I do? I can't decide not to head into it!

This year has been full of more good-byes. Or at least, good-byes to my cats. I lost three of them this year; Mysterious Charmin, Larry Bird and Tiger Lily. At least I know Tiger Lily is OK and happy - the two boys I can only pray for. Hopefully I'll be able to hold on to Cujo, Tucker, Curly and Mo! I intend to do my best.

Well, I guess I'll log off now and go read for a bit. Here's hoping 2010 is full of good things and scarce of bad things. And that I can weather all of it.

13 years

So it was 13 years ago yesterday that I lost my Princess Leia Hunt. I miss her as much today as I did 13 years ago. I am now surrounded by cats - I wonder what she would make of that! She never had much use for cats, but I find them entertaining.

I called in sick today - and I am! I've been sick since Wednesday evening with this horrid cough that I get. Friday it came with a fever, too. I'll work tomorrow but I'm not sure how much I'll get done. I predict I'll be too busy coughing to get very many letters done. I'm sure I picked this up last week-end when Charlie and I took the girls out. Either from the concert hall or the restaurant. Remind me to use hand sanitizer!!! It is miserable to be sick the week of Christmas.

I'm going to have to make my new year resolutions soon. I failed them miserably this year. The resolutions will be the same as always - lose weight, pay down bills and plump up savings, more couple time with Shawn. And none of it will happen - well, maybe the weight because I would be insane to go into my summer surgery overweight and with high blood pressure. Just once I would like to have a new year resolution that calls for more traveling, belly laughs and indulgences. Only if I ever win a big lottery!