Over The Hill

Well, it happened. I turned 50 and the world didn't end. I'm trying to embrace the new decade - I sure hope it's full of wonderful things and that I make it to the end.

My manager quit last week. Well, gave his two weeks notice. He pretty much confirmed everything we have been saying for years - there is no advancement opportunities for someone in the Direct department, the job we have is boring and tedious and we are under-appreciated and screwed daily by upper management. Sorry to see him go as he really seemed to have our best interest at heart. And my new manager doesn't thrill me - I interviewed with him for the new Writer position and didn't feel like we connected. How many more years do I have till retirement??

One Week Left

I'm one week away from turning 5-0. I don't know why I'm so obsessed about this birthday. Guess it's because I truly expect it to be the last decade I'm fairly confident I'll get through. From 60 on, any day could be THE day for the heart attack, stroke, aneurism, cancer diagnosis. And I'm turning 50 overweight, in a bad job, a not-full-enough bank account and ugly. 

I've decided to try a 2Changes 'diet' - though it's not really a diet. I started off with making only two changes - no candy and no eating after 7 p.m. Then every two weeks I add two more changes. First it was a serving of vegetables and 10 minutes on the stationary bike, and beginning today, no cookies and 10 minutes of stretching. I will continue to build my 2Changes plan until I've changed my lifestyle for the better. I don't know if I'll lose any weight or tone up, but I think it's the best I'll be able to do. Weighing food, counting points, adding calories just makes me more obsessed over food. I have to develop a program that doesn't have me thinking about food all the time. Maybe my 2Changes will be the trick.

Summer Heat

It is so hot! Shawn and I went to the county fair this evening and even HE broke into a sweat (which he never does!) Walking around the area really showed us how blessed we are - most of the folks there are living pay check to pay check with vacations to the lake and no retirement fund. Truly blessed.

Ana had her second baby - Ella Carol Ann. I haven't seen the new one yet and am in no rush to do so. Maybe when I drop Bailey off when I go on vacation - in October. I give Ana till October before she is pregnant again. She isn't going to stop until she gets herself a little boy. And Tom will be supporting all of them.

Not much to report. Work stats are still in the crapper but they are slowly working their way up. The job itself is just as boring and unimaginative as ever. Lost another team member Friday - I'm not sure if she quit or was fired as we just got an email saying she is no longer employed with ACI. I sure hope she quit - she lost her husband unexpectedly a few months back so maybe it made her re-examine her life and decide she didn't like what she was doing. Or maybe she got a big enough life insurance payout that she doesn't have to work any more. Let's hope that's it.

We also had a processor die two weeks ago of advanced skin cancer. That makes everyone re-examine their lives. 

Corks and Canvas

This was a bit different - a lot of fun. Melissa met me at Pirtles Winery this evening for a painting class. We painted our version of Monet's Bridge Over a Lily Pond. I won't be selling art any time soon, but we had a lot of fun pretending to be artists for a few hours!

 

Workman's Comp

For almost two weeks I've had these horrible sharp pains in my right shoulder and bruised-feeling spots on my right forearm. My first thought was RA but decided that wasn't it because it didn't hurt to lift my arm - I just keep getting these awful stabbing pains. So then I decided it's cancer and I'm going to have my right arm chopped off. Took a few days trying to figure out how I was going to manage my hair with only one arm. Then I realized the pain are cramps - my arm is cramping. Instantly thought MS. That brought me to tears. I Googled MS symptoms and the only ones I had were fatigue (common for all autoimmune sufferers and my lack of sleep due to cats walking on me all night) and the cramping, though Google said cramping is usually in the legs (and I know Mom's was.) So I talked myself away from that cliff. Then as I was working yesterday, I realized what it was - my job. I am now using the trackball 7 hours a day, resting my arm on the arm of the chair. I have pinched nerves- I'm practically positive. I have an appointment with a doctor on Monday but I'm thinking I will be filling out workman's comp paperwork. I sure hope the doctor can help me because this is pain is so sharp it takes my breath away.

I sure miss my Correspondence job.

Vacation Planned!

Seems like I just got back from vacation - I shouldn't be planning another one already. But I am!! Come October, we are going to spend two nights at a brand new hotel resort at Universal Studios, spend a whirlwind day dashing through the two Universal parks (including Harry Potter!!!) and then board the Disney Dream for a four-night cruise that includes two days at Castaway Cay!!! I am so excited! No idea how I'm going to pay for it - this will be a summer of no-spending. Our week-ends will be spent at the Weissenbach pool, maybe share a $15 bottle of wine at a winery. Catch a $5 matinee. Watch a lot of TV. Thrifty spending at the grocery store (no impulse purchases, no flowers, no candy/cookies/pastries.) It won't be easy but it will so be worth it!

Next year's vacation will be playing Hawaiian music on the back deck.

Settling Into Summer

Not a whole lot to report - summer has hit us and the boredom is setting in. I can't believe a few weeks ago I was discovering Ireland, and now I'm back in Kansas sitting in front of a computer for 9 hours a day, growing fatter and older by the minute. Heavy sigh.

I am ready to book the Disney Cruise but I can't get Shawn to totally commit. I think I should do it anyway and we can worry about airfare and determine if we want to add a quick jaunt to Universal, later. I just know I will be able to hang on through the summer if I know Disney is my reward!

There's talk of finishing the basement this winter. I still need to get to the Hot Tub place to buy my hot tub. My summer clothes are still in boxes. Did I mention Jackass was diagnosed with cancer (I think it's colon, stage 2)? I'm a good 12 years away from retirement - yesterday marked my 16th anniversary with ACI. Dan has his girls for the next two months. 

Told you I had nothing to report!!

And We're Home

Home again after my Bucket List trip to Ireland. Had a wonderful time, though I shouldn't have dragged Shawn - he didn't enjoy it. The driving on the other side of the street (down narrow, windy roads) did him in, even though he drove for exactly five minutes out of the entire time we were there. He became very critical of my driving, to the point of my telling him to 'shut the f&%! up in front of his parents. All he wanted to do was drive from Point A to Point B without stopping at sites along the way. And once we got to Point B, he went to the nearest pub and drank - a lot. Truth be told, he came close to ruining the trip for me. I told him, and will hold myself to it, that I will never suggest another trip. If he wants to go someplace, he needs to approach me. If I want to go someplace, I will find another travel partner. 

But I loved Ireland - and found Eyrecourt and Eyrecastle! Even got the opportunity to walk around the Eyrecastle grounds a bit (though the cows chased us off!) Walked where my ancestors walked - it was an amazing experience.

Apparently, Jackass has cancer. Don't know the details as I only heard it secondhand.

Breathing Easier

It's hard work, but I am getting my stats back to where they were while I was writing letters. I'm doing it with barely a break and it only works when I hit the simple Beneficiary project work by 9:00 am, but I'm beginning to see greens and blues on my stats chart again. 

Next Saturday I am off to Ireland! I have been dreaming of and planning this trip for so long and am so excited, I'm beginning to wonder if it all won't be just a bit anticlimatic. I realized yesterday that I have three trips in the future - Ireland, Disney Cruise and Disney World - and then nothing. No plans past next year. I've had a far-reaching trip in the works for so long that I don't know what it will be like to NOT have one stewing on the back stove!

I need to finish my scrap booking. I haven't touched it in two years - still have half of the Disney 2011 trip to finish. And then Scotland, Maui and soon Ireland. My goal is to be caught up with the scrapbooks by the holidays. I haven't even plugged in the Cricut scrapping machine. Pathetic.

Tired

I am so tired. Tired of the dog barking. Tired of taking care of Shawn. Tired of listening to Melissa go on and on about her miserable marriage and amazing kids. I'm tired of cleaning the house and doing the shopping. I'm tired of failing at work. Of pulling Shawn tooth-and-nail on vacation. Babysitting Piper so Mommy can go play with her fairy friends. 

Tired of being alone most of the day. Tired of cleaning up people's messes and coming to their rescue. Being fat and struggling to lose it. Getting old and not being able to hide it. 

God, I am so tired. 

Getting Closer

I am getting closer to Ireland! Next month I jet off to fulfill a dream. Very excited. I've been researching things to see/do in the towns we'll be in and have a list. Of course top of that list is Eyrecastle - I only hope it won't require us going out of our way or giving up an entire day to do that one thing. I can't believe I'm going!!

I'm having an Easter Egg Hunt for Piper and Eva in two weeks. I really debated over whether to offer to do it and finally decided that I did it for the other Hunt kids for years and it's not fair Piper should miss out just because she came along so late. And an Egg Hunt isn't much fun alone, so I thought I would have Eva come over as well, though at nine months there's not a lot of hunting for her. She's maybe crawling, definitely not walking. And probably no candy for her at all. And I had declared that I was finished have Tom and his family over for gatherings. Oh, well.

Shawn's parents are going on a cruise next January - and apparently have invited us along (we would have to pay our own way of course. They only pay for Todd's and Scott's vacations!) I am not sure we will be going - if we do Disney World next year (and we will!), I'm not sure we will be able to afford a cruise, too. And we are planning a Weissenbach family get-away week-end to celebrate Del and Gayle's 50th wedding anniversary, too. Lots of money going out the door!

If At Once You Don't Succeed, Try, Try Again

Well, I am trying the Weight Watchers diet - again. I got a three-month online membership for $50. If I don't see some success within that time frame, I will give up dieting forever. I'm into Week 3 and have not seen a change. I think it might be too late for me.

Tomorrow Piper Shae is coming for a sleepover! I think we'll go see the Mr. Peabody and Sherman movie and maybe grab some ice cream? Don't worry, I will count the ice cream points! 

Sunday Shawn and I are going to see Disney on Ice. I'm excited - I've always wanted to see that show. Shawn said 'Let's do it, and get the best seats in the house.' So, we are sitting front row, a bit off to the side of center stage. Should be magical and make me miss Disney!!

I think George might back out of the Disney cruise. It's going to cost him $4,200 (they will all need passports) and that might be too steep a price for him. And that price tag doesn't include Piper's airfare as I told him I would pay for that (saving him about $300.) I asked if they decide they can't make it if Shawn and I could still take Piper and got no response for that. I know that if Piper gets to go, Breezy will make a stink about going, too. So, the Disney cruise might just be me and Shawn. George will have to decide fairly soon because I want to book within the next few weeks. Prices seem to be going up.

SEVEN WEEKS TILL IRELAND!!!! 

I Hate My Job

Well, it's official - I hate this new job. I pushed away from my desk after my shift in tears - three THREE no-passes today. And I hadn't had one in over a week. It was partially due to my poor monitor which leaves everything a bit blurry around the edges, partially due to my dwindling eyesight which leaves everything a bit blurry around the edges, partially due to the insanely boring mundane work and partially due to the asinine expectations and pressure the department puts on the job. Does it REALLY matter if a phone number is listed as daytime instead of both? Will that make the client experience unacceptable? 

But who is going to hire a 50 year old woman?

Carol Ann Reilly

Sad news to report today. Carol Ann Reilly passed away early last week. I knew she had been having health issues but assumed she was improving as Tom never said anything and her kids never posted updates on Facebook. Her death was a sad surprise. She was buried today - just across the roadway from Mom and Dad at Calvary Cemetery. I had the Hunts over for 'fellowship' after the burial (everyone was invited but the Reillys had other plans.) I provided a simple meal of sandwiches, chips, brownies and soup. George and Piper and John and his kids joined us. Tom told me as they were leaving that for the last 6 weeks or so, they had been doing for others; taking care of Carol Ann and her husband, Mike, keeping siblings updated, helping where they were needed and tending their own bunch. He said lunch was the first time someone had taken care of them and he really appreciated the effort. It was truly the least I could do.

Bailey was beyond himself when Andrea walked in the house. He has missed her.

Dead of Winter

We are deep into winter with no Spring in sight. Got about two inches of snow overnight with more in the forecast for both Tuesday and Friday. I am always amazed that winter has found me in Kansas - each year I tell myself this is the last one. Maybe some day I can live like the in-laws and escape winter in Florida. Maybe - a girl can dream.

I have about two weeks of training left for Core Processing. It's not as difficult as I feared and is more boring than I imagined. There are some processors who have done only Core work for 10, 15 even 20+ years. How they managed to get past additional training (and have not gone crazy) is beyond me. I think what will get me most is the quality dings. Right now the dings are teaching me but in time they will just be annoyances. Seriously, I get dinged because I listed a phone number as both day and evening when the investor provided it in the 'day number' section of a form? It's so important it only be listed as a day number?!?!? It's just petty stuff to keep our stats to a level they don't have to pay out bonuses. How many years till retirement?

I'm feeling 'off' today - the older I get, the more I worry I might have a heart attack or stroke at any moment. The reality is probably that I ate too many M&Ms. I turn 50 this summer - a terrifying thought. I seriously could kick the bucket at any time and there are still so many things I want to do and places I want to visit. Makes me even more determined to get to them sooner rather than later. I guess Mom was 53 when she was diagnosed with MS and her life stopped. I don't want that to be me. 

Happy 2014?

The new year has started - and so has processing training. I'm really struggling with it. I'm not sure if it's the work or simply the anger I feel at how they have treated us. I am trying so hard to stay positive, but when I keep getting NOPASSED work back, ruining my stats (which count - no grace period at all) and threatening to pull me back into the office losing my telecommuting position, I get angry. Really really angry. Though we processed all day today and I probably got about 30 items done without any NOPASSED so that was a little encouraging. Though 30 items doesn't make my required 'number' so the day was still a bust. 

JP Morgan has an opening for a custom email writer that fits my field of expertise to a T. I actually have all the requirements (experience, Series 6 and 63, knowledge of retirement plans.) My issue is I don't like the way JP Morgan does business - they are always paying huge penalties for cheating or misrepresenting themselves. So, do I stick to my morals and not post for the job and stay miserable at ACI or do I compromise my morals and maybe take a job I would probably enjoy more? I think I am going to finish my resume and submit it just to see where it takes me. Heck, in today's job market, it's a long shot I would even get an interview.

Beginning the research for the Ireland trip in May and discussing the Disney Cruise with George and Breezy in October. There are silver linings in my world.

Should Old Aquaintance

The last day of 2013 - and it is quickly coming to an end. Spent the evening taking Piper to see Frozen; she sat and watched the entire movie. I was really surprised as I expected her to get up and start roaming halfway through it. She did an excellent job. Then we picked Shawn up at home and off we went to the China Buffet for dinner. George and Breezy have picked Piper up and Shawn is asleep on the sofa downstairs. I am wondering if 2014 is going to be as good as 2013 - it's been a very good year.

 

Merry Christmas

Another Christmas has come and is slowly slipping away into the night. The day started off rough - Shawn backed out of our Christmas Eve movie night. I guess I need to let that tradition die - every year it's pulling teeth to get him to agree to go; so not worth it. The only holiday tradition we had, too. Took me several hours today to move past the anger and rejection.

George had mentioned us visiting with him this afternoon. I sent a text a few days ago to lock down a time and he never responded - so we didn't go. I get tired of always being the one to follow-up. He didn't send a text wondering where we were, either. 

I DID have an enjoyable time at the Weissenbachs. They have become my family. Everyone came in this year, including Devin and Alicia (still engaged but no wedding set), Tara and Cody (still dating but no engagement), Abby, Wendy and Todd, Scott and Jenny with their kids and a bunch of hanger-ons. It was a really nice gathering, and we were the first to leave (we both work tomorrow - no one else did!!)

Next week the calendar starts over again - hopefully it will be a good year.

Count Down to Christmas

Not really a lot to report - finally have the house decorated for Christmas; took me an entire week! But it looks nice, smells fabulous and feels warm and inviting. 

My Correspondence job officially ends Wednesday. Thursday I report to the office for processing training. I am trying really hard to keep a positive attitude but it's hard. Getting dropped down two pay grades, effectively being told what I've done for the last 13 years has been unappreciated and unnecessary - so easy that a computer can do it. I am planning on spending the winter months lining up my ducks so in the Spring I can venture forth to see what might be out there for me. I really liked writing letters, too. 

The weather has turned sour. Snow is on the ground, the temperature is frigid and the wind biting. The cats are restless to get out - until they get out; then they want back in! Bailey can go only so far before he gets ice and snow in his paws and stops walking - then I have to carry him home. I hate winter.

Some sad news - Snicker Doodle has gone to his new hopefully-forever home. The lady worked with Shawn for about three weeks (she's already quit) and was in need of a kitty. She seems to be the exact person I was praying God would send - but it still killed me to say good bye to Snicker. I hope he is happy with his new Mama. I'm pretty confident he is.

That's all I have to report - signing off.

Bye-Bye, Snicker Doodle

Snicker Doodle went to a new Momma today. A lady Shawn works with recently lost her 19 year old cat and agreed to take Snickers. She is exactly who I asked St. Francis to send but it still broke my heart to have to say good bye. I gave her my number and told her to call me if she decides she can't keep him - begged her not to just abandon him. And now Shawn is trying to convince a barkeep to take Checkers. He honestly doesn't care about how his actions hurt me to the core.

I have one more week of Correspondence work and then I head to processing training. I am trying so hard to keep a positive outlook on this - look at it like a new adventure. But I am so dreading the change. 

Going to the Weissenbachs' for Thanksgiving. I would rather stay home and veg in bed but.... Shawn gets what he wants. Wonder if they will have turkey this year.

I'm in a rotten mood.